Scottish Unionists feeling abandoned by the UK establishment, claims activist.

By Mann K Jaiket, our Head of Revisionism.


Today's pro-separation march in Glasgow has forced me to conclude that all is now lost for our precious, precious Union.

With just a few day's to prepare and despite dire warnings of hurricane levels of weather, the terrotrist organisation AUOB (Agitators for Unrest Over Britain) managed to mobilise almost a hundred thousand separtist skallywags to march through Glasgow, once the second city of the Empire.

My own patriotic organisation, A Farce for Good, was only able to muster around half a dozen brave dependence supporters to mount what should have been a devastating counter-demonstration.

In desperation, we used the small stipend granted us by our estate-owning benefactors in SIU (Scotland Is Useless) in order to pressgang the afternoon drinkers in several Argyll Street hosterlries with the promise of a crisp English £20 note and a 'wee swiftie' as a reward for holding a Union Jack aloft whilst the splittist marchers passed by chanting "Stick yer Union up yer erse" and other indecipheral ditties.

However, even this well practiced ploy was ineffective due to the huge mass of the rebel throng. Their march (though 20 abreast) took several hours to pass our station. After less than half had passed, our cohort of the colonised (or Gers Figures as they are better known) began to sober up and, realising they each had 20 drinking vouchers in their pockets, began to drift back towards the taprooms from whence they had been enticed.

Consequently, it is now my sad duty to report that Scotlandshire, the last remaining colony of the once Great British Empire, is now irretrievably lost.


Had we been better funded by our erstwhile benefactors, we may have been able to mount a better defence and stem the tide of seperatism in this land, but sadly this was not to be.

Today, the Empire finally ended, not with a whimper, but with a Samba.

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