New Thatcher museum to be located in Dundee

By Archie Teck, our Useless Building Projects Correspondent

brown-thatcherDavid Cameron has given his backing to plans to build a new museum and library honouring the life and achievements of his predecessor Margaret Thatcher1.

The museum will contain specially commissioned models of the Ravenscraig steelworks, the Polkemmet pit and the Clyde shipyards, which Mrs Thatcher helped transform from worthless mass-employers into valuable brownfield development sites.

It will also house artefacts from her time in power - 1979 to 1990 - likely to include a selection of her suits and handbags as well as a set of torn plans for a North Sea gas gathering pipeline.

As a sop to Scottish Nationalists, the Westminister planning team have decided to name the toilets after well-known Scottish union leaders. And next door to the Dennis Thatcher whisky bar and the Mark Thatcher lost children office, will be a children's juice and breastfeeding lounge bearing the legend: "There will be no bevvying".

The new building, which will cost an estimated £15 million, will be sited in an annexe to the Victoria & Albert museum in Dundee, as part of the dockside renewal programme for the city, it has been revealed.

ed-thatcherThe facility is expected to be opened by Gordon Brownlips MP (retd) and Jim Morphy MP, the manager of New Labour's branch office in Scotlandshire. Both men are known to be huge fans of 'Mrs T', as is the manager of their London head office, a Mr Ed Miliband.

The cost of the project will be met by 'topslicing' the Scottish block grant, in the same manner as the £10 million annual budget for the Scotlandshire office is currently funded. This decision may lead to some controversy in Scotlandshire, where the great Lady Thatcher is not held in universal regard.

Her Britannic Majesty's Governor General in Scotlandshire, Alistair Carmichaelmoore explained the funding decision:

"The Thatcher museum will bring several thousand jobs to Dundee", he told this reporter, "an area which is in dire need of strategic investment like this.

"Around 10-15 full-time equivalent posts will be required to run the facility itself and those will be filled by London-based civil servants who have 'let the side down' in some way and will be 'serving' a period of secondment in Scotlandshire.

"The other 4,000 or so jobs will support 24-hour protection of the site against vandalism, arson or similar attacks, which are expected to be a regular occurrence, given the choice of location.

thatcher annexe"The decision to locate the facility in an annexe of the V&A is intended to highlight to the Scotch electorate that the UK government has plans to annexe large parts of Scotlandshire, should they ever vote for separation. Voters may recall that Faslane, Shetland and Govan were all earmarked for partitioning during the last campaign.

"In terms of funding, we are simply proposing to pay for the museum in the same way as my own salary and expenses are paid – by taking them from the Scottish Government's block grant before it is given to Holyrood itself.

"It is simply undemocratic and unfair to expect that all of Scotlandshire's budget should be spent on things which are of benefit to this country, so we siphon off what we need for our own purposes before we pass the rest along.

"After all, the SNP are hardly likely to pay for our 'services' if we give them a choice, are they?"

Murdurr Frazer, leader-in-waiting of the Scottish Tories said: "This is a wonderful opportunity for Scots to celebrate the legacy of Lady Thatcher. And where was her legacy more deeply felt than in the once-industrial heartlands of Scotlandshire?

"In addition, and at long last, my colleagues and I have been given a reason to cross the Tay."

Chris Law, a pony-tail sporting parliamentary candidate for the SNP in Dundee, refused to comment on the story saying: "That's just ridiculous! It has to be another one of those spoof press releases that Creepy Jim has been putting out lately, like changing his party name from New Labour to Yesterday's Erstwhile Socialists (YES)."

However, musician Andy Bonnar, a known cybernat agitator, was less reticent and made the following scurrilous (and quite possibly treasonous) comment on Twitter:


1The milk snatcher.

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