English fans celebrate flag-bearer Murray's second gold

By Jon Inverdale BA MPOT, our Political Incorrectness Corespondent.

A small band of England fans.
Thousands of England fans have gathered to celebrate their countryman Andy Murray following his success in the men's singles, where he won the gold medal for the second time. 

Indeed, Murray's first act after winning his match in four sets was to head over to a small band of England fans to thank them for their support - particularly since English supporters were officially barred from the Rio Olympics following the World Cup riots last month.

The group of fans in question had managed to gain entry to the final by disguising their true identity through wearing Scotland jerseys, Jimmy hats and Saltires while chanting 'mon Andy', 'molocate um' and 'yaise yer lob ya fuckin' nob'. (For some unfathomable reason, Scottish fans are welcome everywhere EXCEPT England).

Murray, a Londoner by birth and a keen Morris dancer, was brought up in rural Cambridgeshire where he learned to play tennis by having two footmen hold a braided golden bell cord over the croquet lawn while he and his brother hit Fabergé eggs at each other with wiff-waff bats.

An illegitimate grandson of the Queen, Prince Andy was the first member of his family to represent his country in an event which was not invented purely for the purpose of letting Royals take part in the Olympics. While competing for England this time, he has previously represented both Greece and Germany and could qualify for France.

Indeed, BBC viewers were surprised to see her Majesty herself appear on breakfast television to give a blow by blow description of her grandson's performance inthe final.

In an odd coincidence, Murray is also related to his opponent, Juan Martin del Potro, whiose family were amongst many British aristocrats forced to relocate to Argentina at the end of World War II.

Murray, always a bit of a girl's blouse, wept visibly as he stood on the podium beneath the Union Jack and sang 'God save one's Grand Mama'.

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Daily Wreck-hard: Andy Murray greets fans in Scotland strips and 'See You Jimmy' hats - BBC Olympics commentator calls them ENGLISH

BBC Scotlandshire: Our first ever story - Andy Murray must now become English, says Cameron


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