SNP humiliated by Danish Steel used in referendum date sign!

By Rusty KnalesOur Heavy Industry Correspondent 

danish steelNicola Sturgeon said the referendum date welded in steel demonstrated the best of Scotlandshire’s manufacturing skills and apprenticeships, but Labour have been quick to point out that the sign only highlighted the skills of our people, businesses and education system, and not our steel industry.

It was discovered that the steel which went into making a commemorative metal sign to mark the 2014 referendum was, in actual fact, made from Danish Steel and not Scottish Steel.

Scottish ministers were apparently gutted to find that they had inadvertently used the Danish steel in the production of the sign as it gave “those bloody Unionists something else to shriek about rather than take part constructively in the debate over Scotland’s future”.

welding dateLabour’s MP for Rutherglen, Tom Geatrix was quick to respond by saying:

"Salmond has known about this for months and could have bought well in advance of the event. Clearly Salmond is as reluctant to bring forward his purchasing of goods as he is for the referendum itself. The sign didn’t need to be high quality steel, like what Scotland used to make, but rather the lower quality product on offer from our massively degraded Scottish industry"

“Why are the SNP even buying steel from the Danish? They are an independent country, separate from Scotland and the UK? In which case how can we possibly be buying their steel and trading with them at all? Once a country is separate it isn't allowed to trade with other countries, especially close neighbours.”

An SNP spokesperson responded, “We didn’t source the bloody steel you numpty. We went to a local Scottish business, Steel Engineering, and said can you make us a wee memento of the referendum announcement. You can let the apprentices from our government's programme do it to help develop their metalwork. They just used what they had on site.”

The Scottish government was on the back foot until sources confirmed that the steel industry was indeed decimated by successive Westminster governments in the 80’s and 90’s. Peter Breslin, Steel Engineering’s managing director said the wind turbines his company produces require steel plate that Scotland can’t make.

“There are currently no steel manufacturers in Scotlandshire that can produce plates that weigh any more than 14 tons, which means we have had to buy in outside steel from Denmark”

“This is evidence that more investment is required in Scottish steel mills and production to ensure they are capable of producing the materials necessary for renewable projects in Scotlandshire.”

ravenscraig2Apparently the last real vestiges of Scottish Steel were destroyed in 1992 when Ravenscraig was closed by Westminster despite having a full order book and being at the cutting edge of steel production at the time.

This news came as quite a surprise to BBC Scotlandshire as our archives are only full of British success stories from that era.

The decimation of Scottish Steel came about due to an unfortunate chain of events in the 70s that saw Margaret Thatcher sweep to power on 3rd May 1979. And we really do mean sweep…

In October 1974, Harold Wilson led Labour to a majority of three seats, but within 18 months had resigned as prime minister to be succeeded by James Callaghan who made agreements with the Liberals, the Ulster Unionists, and Scottish and Welsh separatists to remain in power.

In 1975 the Tories were completely unelectable as Edward Heath was leading them. The job was a poisoned chalice and so bitter arguments ensued where shadow cabinet members would shout “you do it”, to be responded to with “no you!”

ironing ladyAt the time Margaret Thatcher was in actual fact the cleaning lady at the ‘Tory Bastard Club’ in London’s West End, a regular haunt of the Bullingdon Club to meet before burning money in front of tramps. As Margaret stood quietly Ironing the dinner jackets of the Bullingdon Boys, the very same attire that would be vomited over profusely later that evening, she was completely unaware that in a few short moments she would be the leader of Her Majesty’s opposition. Recalling the event, Thatcher said:

“It all happened so fast, there I was doing the Ironing, a chore I detested and always left to last, when someone said… ‘Oh for god's sake just give the job to the bloody Ironing lady for all I care!’ And that was the moment I was ‘elected’ leader”

Not expected to last more than a few weeks it became clear that she was a leader to contend with as she became known as a “right bitch” that scared the hell out of the shadow cabinet. Then in 1979 Scottish separatists withdrew support to Labour as a result of a rigged devolution referendum where those who didn’t vote, were out the country, comatose or dead, were counted as ‘No’. The resulting vote of no confidence passed and triggered a general election. And so it came to pass that in 1979, Margaret “The Ironing Lady” Thatcher became the first female prime minister of the UK.

thatchers revengeThe new Prime Minister was quick to retaliate against all those who dared push the emancipation of women and began a swift and brutal retribution campaign to redress the gender imbalance. At first the “Ironing Lady” lashed out indiscriminately at all male dominated industry, before realising that it was the ironing board that was the real symbol of male oppression, not the bra, which it turned out men actually quite liked to see removed in public.

To this end she steeled herself, and began a war against Irons and Ironing boards by removing the means of production, and for many people the means of purchasing them also.

Even the coal that fired the furnaces of the steel mills came under attack from Thatcher as she removed more of the Ironing over-lordship from the female population.

polmaiseEventually her battle was won and the Steel and Coal mining industries of the UK were unable to make anything of the quality or size they used to, ensuring that no more Irons would ever be made in the UK.

It was this degradation of the industry that caused the problems experienced by the SNP as an order for 20 boxes of paperclips from the Irvine Post office caused the maximum steel production left in Scotlandshire to be turned over to creating the clips; as such the company ‘Steel Engineering’ were forced to go to Denmark for their supply.

Responding to Sturgeon's tweet "Many thanks to @SteelEng1 for hosting my visit earlier", Tom Harris MP immediately and brilliantly tweeted a witty response before realising his error.

"@SteelEng ?? So SNP happy to use Danish steel from Steel England?"

Jock McGlashan, head of cultural relations at the Scottish government sighed, "Well they weren’t going to use Sheffield steel from those English ba****ds, were they? Prat."

Johann Lamont was unavailable for comment as she was doing Anas Sarwar's ironing.


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