Shades of Black: Mhairi's first days at Westminster

By Mhairi Black MP, Slayer of Wee Duggie Alexander

Mhairi-Black-duggyMhairi Black, the UK's youngest ever MP, claimed the SNP's most remarkable scalp north of the border and is poised to become one of Westminster's best known parliamentarians.

Last Thursday Miss Black took Paisley and Renfrewshire South from Douglas Alexander with a 27% swing from Labour to the SNP.

In a BBC Scotlandshire exclusive, Mhairi Black has agreed to write about the big moments from her early days as a Westminster MP.

This will be the first time a new MP will have chronicled their experiences of joining colleagues in the Palace of Westminster in real time.

Following this initial broadcast, the diaries of Mhairi Black MP will continue on Twitter.

We hope also to bring you periodic updates on the BBC.

Mhairi's Diary Highlights

Ma Da drove me tae Glesga Airport an Ah met up wey ma Nat pals. Some British Airways Barbie wanted me tae haun ower ma bag. Ah telt her the British wid need tae pry it oot my cauld deid hauns. Ma Da telt me tae calm doon.

Tried tae use ma Glesga Underground ticket oan the Lundin choob. Some cockney telt me they "only accept Oystah cahds". That's gonnae huftae change.

dr-whitefordWus pure gaspin fur a cuppa but couldnae fun onybody who'd take Scottish money. Dr Philippa wis pure howlin at this. She telt me she hud changed aw her's fur English dough back in Ayr. Me an the doctor are best muckers - she's been workin abroad fur yonks an knows aw the tricks.

Hud a big group fotie wi Nicola who came doon special like tae wind up the Inglish. Alec wis right ahind me. Goat him telt tae stoap keekin at ma erse. Nicola telt him tae behave oar he'd be sent tae the back jist like the Forth Bridge fotie.

Me an Philippa went fur some breakfast but they dinnae dae rolls n square sausage here. How ur ya meant tae survive doon here withoot proper scran? Philippa hud tae piy the lassie cause she wudnae take a perfectly guid Royal Bank fiver.

Sum wee glaikit Tory boay tried to play the wido with ma disabled pal fae Glesga East. Choob started in wi: "Nat the Nat - oh how appwopwiate." So a saunter ower, casual like, and introduce the fud to "Black the black eye maker". That set the wee bam's gas at a peep.

Next up, the inducshin.

Shite! Stuck sittin ahin Chris Law. Cannae see a bloody thing! Philippa is sittin pure howlin wi laughter at ma situation. She laffs aw posh like folks fae Stanely Park or the Mearns.

The Westminster staff gied us aw a new iPad. Ah fired it up an the stupit thing disnae huv a Cybernat mode... so that's it straight oantae ebay the night.

Hud tae sign the Officials Secret Act but Ah hud the last laff - ma fingurs wur crossed. Dealin wi total amateurs doon here. Cannae really tell ye mare - it's toap secret like – ha ha.

Philippa was pure glowerin at ma antics and says am a wee besom. But ah pointit oot it's ma democratic duty tae represent the guid people ay Paisley by blawin spitbaws at the Tories.

Office politics

Eric and IanAh've only goan an been allocated Eric Joyce's auld office. Ah think somebody doon here's takin the pish. Poor Philippa goat Mag Curran's auld cowp but it will be aw right efter a guid airin.

The best laugh wis Kirsten Oswald who goat Murphy's auld midden. Poor lassie didnae know whit tae dae wi aw the empty ginger boatles. Lucky fur hur, Creepy came doon tae Lundin tae take them aw back fur the deposits.

Oot wae ma pal Anne fae Dennistoun fur a wee birl roon Lundin, ony tae fund oot the buses dinnae take cash. The driver telt us tae get aff! Poor Anne took a pure beamer when ah telt the wee nyaff he'd huv goat a brick papped through the windscreen if this wis Foxbar.

Bloody missed the selfies fae the chambur. Roger Mullin's been telt he's fur a pair ay sair stanes if me an Philippa dinnae get the shout the next time he's up tae nae guid. Pure scunnert at missin oot.

Oan the joab

Cannae believe it. Big Ongus is the heid bummer doon here when he's no takin oardurs fae Nicola.

Jist heard Alec hus goat a joab wey loads ay furrin travel. People ay Gordon'll be bealin at aw that work to get him intae Westminster, then Nicola goes an gies him a toap joab when he's never bloody there.

Ya beezer! Only in the joab days an wur aw gettin a £7,000 pay rise. Mind you, Kerevan keeps goin oan aboot bein skint aw the time. He's no the full shillin that wan.

Workin wi the Tories

A few weeks back a wis chattin wi Chunky Mark who telt me sum wummin MP wance jumpt doon tae slap a guverment minister oan the puss. Ah think he wis hintin at me geein that bloody Cameron the malky at the furst PMQs. Ah wish!

Gonnae be a long five years puttin up wae aw these Tory dobbers talkin pure mince. Mind you, wi a Paisley accent its dead easy to make 'the honourable gentleman' sound mair like 'that wee Tory shitebag'.

Right, am aff. Goat tae bolt as me and the lassies ur headin oot oan the toon fur a wee efter work sesh and sum decent scran. And thur hud bettur no be ony roasters giein it that "funny money" pish or thu'll be gettin telt!

Twitter

The BBC huv said ah can keep this diary going but oan Twitter, like. Yeez can aw follow me at @MhairisDiaries or just come back oan here fur an update.


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