Union lovers enraged by Scot Gov’s new ‘Troll Tax’

By Lee Gall-Hye, Cub Reporter, iScot magazine

Fans of the UK are furious as they fear they will be targeted by a new financial levy expected to be included in the SNP manifesto for May’s Holyrood election.

The new charge, which will be called the Offensive Internet Behaviour And Mendacity Surcharge (OI-BAMS), will be applied to users of social media who abuse other individuals or post wildly inaccurate information online, particularly in the form of misleading graphs.

Under the new law, colloquially known as the Troll Tax, anyone commenting on the online version of the Hootsmon newspaper or linking to a story in the Daily Record or Daily Mail, could find themselves facing penalties of many thousands of pounds. 

Children’s author Jakey Rowling tweeted, “I didn’t spend 3 years at Yooniversity to have my opinions taxed by the SNP. My 10 bn followers love my idiotic views and abusive Twittermates. Expect to hear from my island of lawyers. .@ME”.

While top UKOK zoomer Mr B Spanner, who tweets under the nom de plooms; ‘You & My Comb’, replied to Ms Rowling saying, “I and all the other tools in the Scotch MSM are very upset. How are we to campaign against Indy2 if we are forced to stick to the facts? #Madness”

Prominent lawyer and SLab spokesnob on vile internet abuse, E N Smart, filed for bankruptcy after tweeting, “F##king Nazi SNP bastards! They should all be taken out and shot. Especially the ones with their pathetic flags. Hanging’s too good for fascist scum like them!!!!”

Later (much later) peer of the realm and amateur dancing instructor Lord Ffoulkes of Laphroaig tweeted, “Just like the Nats. They think they’re in North Korea. Shit, that’s this week’s 1,500 tax-free smackers down the drain! Open another bottle, will you Smarty dear?”

A spokesnat for First Minister Nicola Sturgeon told us, “In Better Together’s strange yooniverse all the internet abuse comes from cybernats, but we all know this to be wholly untrue.

“With this new Troll Tax we will finally put a stop to online abuse by British Nationalists while raking in a wheen of cash which can be used to make life better for millions of ordinary Scots.

“We’ll show the Yoons what a real £10 bn black hole looks like.” 


Due to the huge number of complaints, comments are no longer banned on BBC Scotlandshire News pages.

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