Scotland welcome to remain, says Federation of Planets

By Trip Hazard, our  Space Travel Correspondent.

A Federation Spokesbeing

Following First Minister Nicola Sturgeon's unsanctioned meeting with EC negotiators last week, the European Commission has reiterated its view that Scotland would be welcome to remain within the EU after the UK leaves, but only if it becomes an independent country.

This news came a no surprise to EU watchers as Sturgeon's regular attempts to undermine the UK's negotiating position with Johnny European have made her increasingly popular in foreign parts.

However, On the same day as the Commission's unhelpful intervention, no less an organisation than the United Federation of Planets has stated that Scotland would also be welcome to apply for membership post-brexit.

A spokesbeing for the Federation, Commander Montgomery Scott, told the BBC, "Comin' fae Caledonia masell, Ah wid be mair than happy tae see Scotland as a member ay Sarfleet.

"Noo it his become clear thit Scoatland wid hae a wurld-beatin' space program as soon as it gets its independence fae England, they wid become a valued neebour in nae time flat.

"And, forbye, it's no weel kent, but Scotland isnae jist weel stocked wi' oil 'n' gas, but it also hus Europe's main reserves ay methane hydrates and dilithium crystals, baith ay which are essential fur modern space travel."

The news was dismissed as fantasy, however, by the Klingon Council, who said that membership of interstellar organisations would become a reserved matter under the Great Repeal Bill, making it impossible for Scotland to join anything.

This reaction was itself dismissed by a spokesnat for Ms Sturgeon's 'government' who said, "That's just typical Klingon scaremongering. They've only managed to kling on at all by doing a dirty deal with the Orange Order.

"Even that will fall apart as soon as their partners realise that the Klingon Warbird attack ships they have been promised are only available in green.

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The National: To independence and beyond: How Scotland could lead the way in space and generate hundreds of millions for our economy.

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