The rise and fall of Jeremy Corbyn: SNP to blame claims Labour 'insider'

By Lord Lyon Cnut, our Labour Spin Correspondent (well, one of them)

labour-coupAs arch-lefty Jeremy Corbyn surges ahead in the London Labour leadership contest, party managers are preparing to delegitimise his victory while preparing the ground to blame the SNP, an insider has revealed.

An unnamed Labour politician, who says he is speaking to the BBC because he is unhappy at having been sacked as leader in Scotland following the near wipeout of his party, has told the BBC that plans are in place for MPs to stage a coup if Mr Corbyn is elected leader in August.

The group of influential MPs will claim that Corbyn's popularity is illegitimate as it is mainly due to non-Labour supporters taking advantage of the 'pay for a say' promotion which was introduced as part of the one member one vote changes which replaced Labour's electoral college.

Our insider, whom we will call 'Slim Jim', told us that without affiliated members who became Labour members automatically after joining a trades union or the coop, or by taking advantage of the cheap beer in their local Labour club, there were embarrassingly few actual members of the Labour Party left.

Worse still, most of the few thousand genuine card-carrying members were either elected politicians, party officials and their families, or elderly care-home residents who had simply forgotten to discontinue their subs.

Rather than being forced to reveal the pitiful number of real members when announcing the vote, party managers decided to include anyone who has a connection with Labour, however tenuous, and to offer special one-off votes to anyone who has £3 in spare change. This, it was hoped, would make the number of voters appear more respectable, hiding the truly awful state of the party.

slim-jimSlim Jim also told us that, if Corbyn wins, the party now intends to claim that his popularity was entirely due to thousands of Tories, Socialists and particularly Nationalists who paid their 'wee fee' for reasons of mischief, thereby giving the party the excuse they need to overturn the democratic decision of the its rank and file 'members'.

And, as an added bonus, they will be able to blame this on the SNP whom they will claim were behaving in an underhand and undemocratic way to damage the Labour party.

Slim Jim told us: "Making stuff up is the only way we can hope to put a dent in the SNP's poularity. it's the sole reason for Jackie Baillie being in the shadow cabinet at Holyrood.

"The party spin doctors have already started seeding stories in the press which claim the Corbyn effect is all down to the Natz joining up in droves. This will make the claims of entryism far more credible when the election is over. Plus it provides a nice level of background 'SNP bad' noise.

"The only danger is if people realise that the best way for the SNP to kill off the Labour party for good, would have been to vote for anyone BUT Jeremy Corbyn. But, I'm sure we can rely on the core Labour vote to go with the myth as usual, rather than apply logic.

"After all, we didn't get where we are today by crediting our supporters with any degree of intelligence."

A spokesnat for the SNP said: "Aye, right! They must think we're as green as we're cabbage lookin'."

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