Civil War breaks out amongst the Cybernats

By Jacklyn Hide, Our Judean People's Correspondent

chargeA civil war has erupted amongst online separatists after one broke ranks, claiming their whole 'New Media' revolution was a 'pile of smelly cack'.

Nat separatists turned their cyber-vitriol onto one another when the aptly named GA Poncey-Boy published an article on the subversive website NewsNat.scot.

According to Poncey-Boy, the so-called 'alternative media' is nothing more than a hotchpotch of opinion pieces written by people who should probably keep their opinions to themselves.

In his controversial article, the whining Poncey-Boy wrote: "Yes lost the independence referendum because of you lot. If you had only listened to me then Yes would have won easily.

"All of the other sites need to cooperate with me. I've been saying this for years. WHY DOESN'T ANYBODY LISTEN TO ME ANY MORE?"

Poncey-Boy's article provoked a mixed response from other separatist Cybernat leaders. Jack Frost, who runs the somnolent website NewsShat, claimed never to have heard of Poncey-Boy.

"I have no idea who he is," he told BBC Scotlandshire, adding, "I've never seen him on Bull 'o Caledonia so he can't be one of us."

However, Bull o' Caledonia editor Mike Shorterse was more forthright. In a statement to Scotlandshire, Shorterse said: "Bull o' Caledonia is the most influential online site in Europe.

popup"Perhaps Poncey-Boy is upset that we didn't review his new book which contains prose that, quite frankly, works only on a single level and is consequently far too easy to understand.

"He could have kept its essence and made it far more appealing by making it available as a pop-up book

"To suggest that we don't cooperate with others is ridiculous. We are constantly swapping mutual praise with people like 'prettyboy' poet Alan Biscuit and former pop-hottie Pat Cayenne.

"Our content is extremely diverse. Only last week we published excerpts from Moira Plumphrey's seminal new ouevre, 'Jibberish with Cornflakes'."

The book in question, 'London Calling – How the BBC stole the Referendum' chronicles the goings on at the spoof broadcaster 'BBC Scotland' during the separation referendum – which was triumphantly won on behalf of Her Majesty the Queen and our glorious Union.

Self-styled Nat God, the Revered Stuart Ramble, was equally scathing of Poncey, calling him "A has-been who is simply trying to promote his crap book."

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However, Ramble couldn't resist taking a foul mouthed swipe at his separatist rivals. "Why the f*ck do I need to cooperate? My site is bigger than all those c*nts put together." He spat.

"Poncey-Boy's a nobody, and Bull o' Caledonia wouldn't be worth cooperating with anyway. I mean who wants to know the water supply in Borneo has turned yellow because of Monkey piss?"

In a reference to Bull o' Caledonia's successful crowdfunding appeal which raised over fifty thousand pounds, Ramble added: "I can make that kind of cash in an hour. I own the internet!" Then he lit a cigar with a fifty pound note.

The row threatens to split the Cybernat hordes with many now unsure whether to vent their anger at one another or to continue attacking soft spoken and reasonable Unionists like David Starkey.

Starkey, an esteemed historian who knows everything worth knowing, was met with a torrent of abuse after suggesting all Nat separatists were Nazis who wanted to chase English people out of Scotlandshire with pitchforks.

BBC Scotlandshire understands that an emergency meeting is to be held in Glasgow this Sunday which is intended to heal divisions between Nat bloggers who, it has emerged, despise one another even more than they hate Unionists and the English.


Related Articles

NewsNat : Scotland's 'alternative media' has a long way to go if it is to succeed


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