Labour in Scotlandshire to launch new Committee On Satirical Activities

By Lass Ditch, our Faux Outrage Correspondent

COSAThe Labour Party in Scotland have announced they are to set up a new committee to investigate instances of satire in political life.

The committee, to be chaired by ex Govan MP Ian Davidson, will be known as the Committee On Satirical Activities, or COSA for short.

The move follows the revelation made in First Minister's Questions by Labour's Deputy Dugdale that many Scottish politicians and their supporters are avid followers of political satire.

Individuals are expected to be called before the committee to be interrogated on their choice of reading materials. They will be asked questions like: "Are you now, or have you ever been, a satirist or a fan of satire?"

Pressure will be put on those called in to provide the names of others whom they suspect of also being secret satire users. This way the committee hopes to uncover a great many covert comedy lovers who have previously gone unsuspected.

Anyone found guilty of having read, laughed at or (worst of all) shared satirical writing will be banned from political office and risks having their internet use monitored by GCHQ.

Repeat offenders will be named and shamed in the Scottish parliament, their dreadful misdeeds exaggerated and misrepresented to the Scottish people, unless they are Smart enough to be senior Labour spokesmen.

Kezia Dugdale said: "This sort of internet trolling is totally unacceptable, particularly when it is carried out anonymously by people who later become politicians.

"I understand some people are actually paid to do this and they are given serious cash, they are not paid in Bon Bons. When they are required to be seriously abusive they are even given double fees (by their peers), in what is aparently known as a 'fee fee'."

The newly-appointed chairchoob told the BBC: "Of course, we'll only be taking evidence fae Separatist bastirts. It's no that we're conducting a witch hunt against the Natz or onything like that, it's just that there has never been ony trace ay humour oan oor side, so there's is hee haw tae investigate.

"Scoatish Labour really dinnae like this satire stuff. It shows us up in a wiy the real press never wid, except mibbe fur that Ginger Dug in the Nationalist. That's whereby we want tae stamp it oot then bayonet the wounded.

"Ma new committee'll dae just that. An COSA is no jist ma committee, it's aw oor committee. COSA Nostra, as ah like tae caw it."

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