Scottish Secretary Blocks SNP 'trick' to make Holyrood permanent

By Port Smith-Furst, our Scotlandshire Office Correspondent

carmichael-fingerAn SNP plan to give the Scottish Parliament legal permanence has been blocked at the last minute by Scottish Secretary Alistair Carmichael-Moore.

The clause, which would have removed the UK government's right to disband Holyrood, had been sneaked into the Smith Commission recommendations by MSP John Swinney, the Scottish Government's bookkeeper.

If allowed to pass through into legislation, it would have allowed the SNP to do whatever they wanted without fear of their government being disbanded whenever they 'stepped over the line'.

Mr Carmichael-Moore explained: "This could have been a disaster if it hadn't been spotted by a sharp-eyed civil servant.

"Not only would it have protected Holyrood from being dissolved, but it would have been the enactment of the only solid proposal in THE VOW – a document which was carefully written to exclude such inconveniences.

"And it appears to have been included on the pretext of having been pledged by three party leaders and an ex Prime Minister, as if that has ever committed the UK government to following through.

"It was carefully hidden, no doubt by the SNP, among all the meaningless waffle which comprised the rest of the Smith report. None of this was intended to become law, it was simply a holding action until after the GE when we are sure the Scots voters can be relied upon to forget about all this 'new powers' nonsense, just like they used to.

"Your viewers must appreciate that all Scotlandshire's political talent heads straight for Westminster, leaving only the dregs in Holyrood. That's why we need to be able to control it.

"And for anyone who doubts I represent the political elite of my party, I have three simple words - Wee Wullie Rennie.

"Thank goodness we have the Scotlandshire Office and its civil servants to watch out for any meaningful enhancements to Scottish political democracy and weed them out faster than Alan Titchmarsh chasing a BBC contract."

Prince-Andrew-007Another Conservative MP, Sir Aubrey Birch-Bugger MBE pointed out the severity of the danger this clause represented. "It would have allowed the Jocks to do whatever they wanted and there is not a thing we could have done.

"They could have voted to force feed haggis to anyone with an English accent, handed out free booze & fags on the NHS or forced businesses which fund UK parties to pay all their taxes.

"They could even have excluded Scotlandshire from our plans to reduce the age of consent to 6. It would have been utter chaos."

A spokesnat from the Scottish Government responded, saying: "It's a fair cop. We saw an opportunity and we went for it, but it didn't work out.

"The most galling part is that we're paying the salaries of Carmichael-Moore and his army of civil servants – it comes out of the block grant, £10 million a year of it. Yet their only purpose seems to be to limit how much we can achieve.

"Makes you want to boak sometimes, so it does."

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