By Spion Kop, Our Intelligence Correspondent

Beleagured NoBloodyThankyou! campaigners were cheered last night with the news that Westmister are sending the New Avengers north to revive their flagging fortunes.

With the Yes Campaign on the March, top level Westminster strategists are going Back to the Future to find new ideas for the solution of the old problem of an awkward Scotlandshire populaton, seemingly hell-bent on doing what Westminster knows is bad for them!

BBC Scotlandshire can reveal that in secret meetings over the weekend, attended by the best and the brightest of the Westminster elite, it was determined that what is essentially a re-run of a 70s problem requires the re-run of a 70s solution.

Douglas ‘Housewives' choice' Alexander explains. "Building on the success of the ‘traditional values’ chord hit by the ‘woman decides’ video (which all polls agree has caused many undecideds to make their decision), we are confident that continuing with what worked in 1979 will win the day here. These are traditional solid British solutions for what are traditional solid British Labour voters."

The decsion to send Stead, Purdey and the other bloke north is seen as key in reaching those undecided voters who value family acceptable secret service activity in a changing world.

Speaking for the Scottish Government, Lundin McRaker, head of the crack 'these shitty twisting bastirts will’nae get away with it this time' unit commented "This is simply not on. The New Avengers are what killed the vote in 1979 and we will simply not allow it again. It is all fiction – all London fantasy - people believed the lies back then and Scottish industry was destroyed!

"That is why the Referendum Act specifically prohibits the use of Purdey in the final 28 days of the Campaign. Let me be very clear on this…we are in the Purdey period…no new ideas are allowed! We shall be making the strongest representations possible to the Electoral Commission on this…and to the Dave channel".

Replying for Better Together, press officer Sameole Bull-shittte replied, "This is hardly a new idea. There is nothing new in our campaign- nothing new at all- i can assure you of THAT!"

Meantime, the New Avengers are deployed, swelling the ranks of No campaigners on the streets to literally half a dozen - the same number as a box of Murphy's touring eggs.

BBC Scotlandshire would like to interview them so if you see them, or indeed any No campaigners, please contact us immediately. We're getting bloody desperate, good people of Scotlandshire.

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