Anas proved right!

By Sekond Hande, Our Accuracy Correspondent

anusThe political world was astounded today, as there was unanimity across the spectrum that Anas Sarwar was completely, totally and irrefutably correct.

BBC Scotlandshire's Canteen Director and political commentator, Brian Taylor, said, "In my many years of canteen coverage, I have never known such universal agreement about the comments made by a single politician."

Jim Sillars, former Labour MP, former leader of the Scottish Labour Party (before that apellation was registered by British Labour), former Deputy Leader of the SNP and inveterate opponent of everything that New Scottish Labour lies down for, said, "I'm gobsmacked. Never in a million years did I ever think I would find myself in agreement with Sarwar on anything. Now I find myself in total agreement with the detail of his statement."

Johann Lamont, former chief spokeswhine for Labour in Scotlandshire said, "Anas is my hero, my inspiration and my leader. Never has any statesman so clearly stated the fundamental truths of the world. Only a genius can cut through the morass of distractions and see through to the essential truth."

Nick Robinson, Chief Political Baldie for BBC London said, "Sarwar? Is he Scotch? He doesn't sound Scotch."

So what brought about this incredible consensus?

In an interview with that intellectual giant of the Scottish press, the Sunday Post, Anas dramatically displayed his intellectual skills -

He’s taken to wearing a broken watch to illustrate that even a stopped clock is right twice a day, and added: “It goes back to my watch theory — nobody is right about everything and nobody is wrong about everything. My watch is the perfect example of that.”

Nicola Sturgeon (wearing a dramatic pair of thigh length boots with built in stiletto) and ostentatiously fllaunting her Richard Mille Caliber RM 019 Celtic Knot Tourbillon Watch said. "Anas is absolutely correct. No one is wrong about everything, When he wears a watch with hands, Anas is right twice a day, When he wears one with digital display, he is right once a day.

"It is a little unfortunate that by definition, he cannot identify the fleeting thought in his head that is actually correct at the second that he holds it. It would be useful if he could identify the other 86,398 seconds in the day when his thoughts are, and let's be generous here, total pish."

s chaiseGlasgow Caledonian University Vice Chancellor, Pamela Gillies said that she was delighted by this intellectual breakthrough and would fund it's development. "I'm delighted by this intellectual breakthrough", she said, "and will fund it's development.

"The remnant of GCU funding that isn't going to the Better Together campaign will be allocated to a new Department of Horological Inconsequentiality with Mr Sarwar holding the Honorary Chair.

"It was the Chairchoob's reclining chair, but he has agreed to make the ultimate sacrifice for the Union - as we all would."

"We believe that it is possible to determine that, using a broken calendar, there is only one day in history when an idea was correct. That was 1 May 1707."

 


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