Brave Blare Blocks Cybernat Snooper Scheme

By Torquil Odobollix, our Referendum Correspondent

Blair-Mcdougal-fatA despicable plan hatched by hundreds of shower-averse cybernats to harass, bully and spy on brave Better Together footsoldiers has been foiled by the quick thinking genius of UKOK head, Blare MacDougall.

The scheme, which had been organised by Bathist cult leader and self-confessed blogger the Reverend Stew Camp-Bell, involved sending out clouds of cybergnats to spy on innocent loyalists as they took part in Friday's 'Great UKOK Railway Journey' – an absolutely genuine grass-roots outpouring of better togetherness.

The cybernuts had planned to photograph, question and generally upset the plucky volunteers as they enjoyed the 'Best of both Worlds', by handing out great piles of leaflets to commuters at a time when they are far too busy to stop and question any of the remarkable claims made in the pamphlets. 

However, a researcher for the Daily Mail, who raking in bins with a view to exposing the reverend's camp followers to public disgrace, stumbled across the preparations which had been foolishly conducted on the Reverend's own blog, in full view of the Better Together campaign.

This allowed Blare MacDougall to thwart the separatist's plan by ordering our troops to stay away from the advertised events, leaving no-one there to be photographed or hounded by the Nats, and denying them a copy of the leaflets which they so desperately sought to analyse and decry.

pigeonMr MacDougall told this correspondent, "As soon as I heard what those bastirts were up to I got UKOK command to contact all of our many thousands of campaigners, telling them to stay away from the stations on the event list. This was a great disappointment to me I had stuck them all on the grass roots event list myself, the previous afternoon, and it took me ages as I'm not very good with computers and stuff.

"However, I was adamant that we would not allow our campaigners to be photographed or have their images plastered all over the internet. They have done nothing wrong and it is quite despicable that they should be treated like this. Anyone who would do this, or sanction it, is a pure cnut. Is this the sort of mindless bullying we can expect to see in Salmond's Scotlandshire?

"So, when the waves of cowardly keyboard combatants turn up at the stations tomorrow, there will be nobody there from UKOK for them to attack. Not a single leaflet will be handed out and only images of empty stations will appear on the Reverend Camp-Bell's web shite, 'Winge over Scotlandshire'.

"No doubt the splittists and their game-playing Guru will try to spin this as some sort of victory for their cause, but we will know the truth.

"We could have placed a small army of volunteers at every railway station in Scotlandshire, giving the lie to those who say we couldn't fill a Sinclair C5, but WE chose NOT to.

"That is the real power. The power to stay home and do nothing. The power to deceive. Soft power.

"And that, my fellow Tommies, is why we will win this civil war!"

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