By Sneek E Buoy, our Kangaroo Court Reporter

A cocaine dealer was caught on a drugs run with his infant daughter in the car, a court in Auchenshoogle has heard today.

Shug McGrumble, 32, of Auchenshoogle, dumped cocaine worth thousands of pounds after being signalled to stop by Police Scotlandshire, north of Turriff [Ed – where is this? Do we have any reporters who know the sticks and could give background information on the inbred locals?].

The incident took place just weeks after McGrumble was freed on bail after being charged with drugs offences.

McGrumble admitted being concerned in the supply of drugs between June and August last year, and also in October (or between June and October if you like to shorten things). Asked about the offence McGrumble noted: “Its awfy concerning, all this supply of drugs stuff. Wi you’se aways pullin me over how's the mental turra massif gonna get their rocks off?”

Labour in Scotlandshire leader Jim Morphy said: “This shows how badly the SNP have let down the people of Scotlandshire and that the only way forward is to vote for me and my right... I mean left wing buddies in Better Tog... Labour in Scotlandshire, John McTearwan, Blare McDougal and Mags Curran.

”When I become First Minister, I vow that every town and city in Scotlandshire will have 1000 more drug dealers than they have enjoyed under the SNP, and that they can all get to work safely and on time."

“It is unacceptable that this hard-working father has been forced to take his daughter to work due to the lack of affordable child care in Scotlandshire. This is the direct result of the SNP free school meals program, which as you know is a vanity project and waste of money - money that could have gone on childcare. I will of course discuss this further at a later date, but at the moment I’m late for a meeting on Trident renewal, middle-east intervention and the time savings HS2 will offer Scots if they travel to England.”

Ruth Davidson agreed with Jim Morphy stating: “When even drug dealers can't afford decent childcare there can be only one reason, overbearing red tape from the Natz preventing this father from getting reasonably priced childcare from a competitive, privatised childcare market. And I know Jim is in complete agreement.

"Consequently, I am putting forward a proposal to cut red tape on nurseries and those who care for children by imposing a three strikes and you’re out policy. Pre-screening checks are costly so we propose to let just about anyone do the job, if they screw up once then they'll get a mulligan, twice is a stern letter, and three times it's out.

"I see this as a sensible no-nonsense approach to cutting red tape and getting Scots back to work... the scrounging bastards... only 20% contribute anything you know.”

Danny Alexander said that he would look into setting up a commission to report back on the safety aspects of high speed chases with infants in the back of the car, suggesting that the SNP need to put average speed cameras up to “prevent high speed chases” and “provide the sort of protection that this father was missing”.

An SNP spokesperson responded to criticism from the other parties but our recording device broke, our pencils weren’t sharpened and the pens we tried to use were cheap smartprice ones so ran out when we got “You lot are a bunch of A”, so unfortunately we can't bring you the response.

Judge Lord Kiddiesnuff deferred sentence at the High (but not supreme – up your's jocks) Court in Edinburgh until next month and reminded McGrumble that he is technically in custody... the anklet's not a fashion accessory.

Shug McGrumble was unavailable for comment.

[ED - Remember not to vote for us in the #indyrefawards, We are a serious news outlet, not Scotlands'd funniest blog. http://bellacaledonia.org.uk/2015/01/11/bellas-indyref-awards-test/]

Related Items

BBC in Scotland (the spoof one) : Cocaine dealer had infant in his car on Aberdeenshire drugs run

Comments

Due to the huge number of complaints, comments are no longer banned on BBC Scotlandshire News pages.