Cameron calls off Scottish speaking tour after CBI chief pelts him with carrot puree

By Whinin Dyne, Our Epicurean Correspondent

baby-flingerPrime Minister Cameron left the CBI dinner somewhat less resplendent than when he entered it, and vowed never to speak in Scotlandshire ever again.

An attack on him by CBI President Sir Muck Raker, left him spattered with Slow-cooked Beef Daube, Truffle Mash, Wild Mushrooms, Spinach and Carrot Puree. Raker had taken the opportunity to attack Cameron's stance on the Referendum, and punctuated each point by hurling parts of his main course at the PM.

Earlier, Jim Murphy MP had cancelled his speaking tour after being struck by an egg.

Police Scotlandshire said that they were concerned about this outbreak of food fighting, and had contacted both MPs to ask them to make a complaint, but had received no reply.

A spokescop said, "It's puzzling that Cameron has not asked us to investigate, though that may be down to having no clue about the law in Scotland. It's especially odd that the attacker was not just clearly identifiable, but also a personal friend of the victim.

"Mr Murphy has now made a complaint, but looking at the video coverage, we may have to charge him with threatening behaviour, being in possession of an unlicensed minibus of supporters and an expired argument too.

"Now, if you'll excuse me", she continued, "we're a wee bit busy today, as BliarMcDougall has tweeted that the UK Government has raised the level of the security threat (to it) from being severe to pure malkied."

shouty manA spokes-shelf for the Maryhill Food Bank commented, "Ah'm near empty, an' they bastirts wint tae throw food around like abody hid some! Thae MPs wir happy enough tae get their grinnin mugs in the papers tae open food banks. If there wis ony justice, their wid be nae place fir the likes o' me, an Ah could retire. Bastirts!

"The weans roon here hiv ta'en tae hingin roon politicians in the hope there'll be some free food flyin roon."

A spokesbelly for Kenny McQuarrel, BBC Scotlandshire's Director-General made a plea for wider understanding of the problem of food inequality. "The Electoral Commission have destroyed one of the epicurean highlights of the Scotlandshire calendar.

"By declaring the CBI dinner a campaign event, and restricting expenditure to £9,999.99, far too few people were able to fully participate. While the original menu was available to those of us at the top table, other guests such as my Head of News and Bias, Mr Bossyman were given only a can of Irn-Bru and a chip buttie."

Regrettably, the event had to be scaled back from its original format. With full registration as a "Permitted Participant", the dinner could have operated to its original specification by which company executives took cash from the pockets of their employees and shareholders to gorge themselves on the finest of fare.

Unfortunately, the CBI (now known as 'Chip Buttie Included') became shit-scared at the number of defecations after it registered as a No campaigner, and so conned the Commisiion into cancelling its registration, and thus denying many fine Tories their expected nosh-up.

The original invitation read -

CBI Scotlands 2014 Annual Dinner takes place on Thursday 28 August 2014 at the Hilton Hotel Glasgow. This is the premier event in the Scottish business calendar. It is the perfect opportunity for you to mingle with over800 senior leaders from business, politics and the media and to bring some of your existing and prospective clients to be part of this informative and enjoyable evening. A night of top-quality networking and intelligence gathering is guaranteed, allowing you to make many new contacts. Networking at its very best, the Dinner starts with a Champagne Drinks Reception at 1915 hrs.As in previous years, CBI Scotland has secured a prestigious Guest of Honour to address you, but we are not able to announce this until nearer the time because of security reasons. But I can assure you that you will not be disappointed.

Please note that reservations can only be confirmed via the online booking system.

All members of CBI Scotland are cordially invited and may come alone or with their guests, who need not be members of the CBI. Seating will be at round tables of ten. Dress is formal - black tie.

The ticket which includes the pre-dinner champagne reception in the foyer of the ballroom and wine with your meal. I very much hope that you will be able to join us for this prestigious and enjoyable evening. As the demand for tickets will exceed capacity and places will be offered on a "first come, first served" basis, I would urge you to book as soon as possible.

A first-class evening awaits you and your guests and I look forward to seeing you at the Dinner.

chip buttieBBC Scotlandshire is proud of its record of campaigning journalism.

Without our support, the CBI would hardly exist in Scotlandshire at all! Without the ability to network with the rich and powerful at CBI events, we would never have been able to expose the scandalous shortage of caviar and really good vintage champagne at what are really quite downmarket restaurants such as One Devonshire Gardens.

Join us in voting NO on 19th September, to ensure that no rich person in Scotlandshire is ever again denied the right to exceptional cuisine at other people's expense.

Breaking News

There is increasing speculation that the person who hurled eggs at Jim Murphy was a disappointed guest at the CBI dinner, who had learned that his epicurean delight was to be an "Egg and Chip Buttie" - with no egg.

Enraged at the incompetence of the U-KOK campaign, he decided to take out his fury on the most obvious face of U-KOK incompetence - Mr Murphy.

Can you identify this man? He may be in need of dietary advice.

egger


Related Articles

Torygraph : CBI Scotland scales back annual dinner after watchdog rules it pro-UK campaign event

Newsnet Scotlandshire : Humiliation for Cameron as CBI Chief warns of EU exit

Herald : Jim Murphy: I'm stopping speaking tour until Yes camp call off the attack dogs


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