Crisis in Gàidhealtachd as U-KOK accused of "impropriety"

By Garlic Spikker, Our Funny Wee Languages Correspondent

Bu Choir sign on crannogFree Kirk Ministers who have been bravely flourishing their U-KOKs vigorously, in the face of overwhelming opposition, have been stunned into silence by accusations of "impropriety" due to urging their flocks to take an "improper" position in the privacy of polling booths.

Former Moderator of the Free Kirk of Scotlandshire, Rev. John Ross, argued that a Yes vote would mean Scotlandshire reverting to being heathen - although many argued that the choice was living in a heathen Scotlandshire or in a heathen Britain.

An elder in the Shawbost congregation, who did not wish to be named as Tòmachan Mac a' Mhaoilein (but that was the name his bloody parents gave him) explained the problem.

"The Reverend Ross is an Englishman", he explained. "Not that anyone gives a galla about that, but the man is an Orangeman as well and preaches in that city of foul sin and depravity, Inverness. We could forgive him all of that - but he has no Gaelic!"

My barman at the Òran Mór explained the difficulty that the Reverend Ross had created. "The man has no comprehension of what it means to be genuinely bilingual. We all understand and use English, but we think in Gaelic.

"The words on the ballot paper will read 'Should Scotland be an independent country?'. In Gaelic that would be 'Am bu choir do dh'Alba a bhi neo-eisimeileach'. A question in that form can't be given a simple Yes or No answer. It would make no grammatical sense. The answer would have to be Bu Chòir or Cha Bu Chòir. Those are often translated as 'We should' and 'We should not' but that is a crude translation. In Gaelic the terms mean more like 'It is proper' and 'it is improper'."

angusAngus MacNeil, splittist MP for Na h-Eileanan Siar added fuel to the linguistic flames by tweeting, "Everyone is familiar with 'Bu Choir' but a lot less will know the opposite 'Cha Bu Choir' ...speaks volumes on the 2 campaigns."

Tòmachan Mac a' Mhaoilein explained his quandary. "I have the deepest respect for the former Moderator and accept the teaching of the Kirk that 'the Total Depravity of man through the Fall, means that he cannot will any good whereby he could merit salvation'.

"However, I cannot accept that voting for independence will make me any more depraved than I already am, but going into a wee booth, drawing the curtain and taking up an improper position would make me a bloody Catholic. I've heard what happens on Barra!"


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