Pensioners warned 'giant space spiders' would follow Yes vote

By Linus Heedaf, Our U-KOK Scare Story Correspondent

spiders-from-marsYes Scotland has cried foul to the Electoral Commission after Better Together were accused of trying to scare senior citizens into voting No using tales of giant spiders.

The anti-independence 'Worse Apart' campaign was accused of telling pensioners a Yes vote will lead to the 'Worst of Both Worlds': that is, an invasion of giant spiders from Mars and no way on Earth to protect ourselves from them.

The easily frightened geriatrics have been told that only the Union and it's nuclear weapons are stopping hordes of spiders from crossing open space and attacking the people of Earth. They are being warned that a vote for Separation will be a green light for the greedy arachnid hordes to plunder our lovely planet, and that the favourite food of the eight-legged scroungers is live septuagenarian Scot - with chips.

U-KOK head Blare McDonut denied that Worse Apart were scaremongering, insisting that the stories were true. "It's not scaremongering when you simply make people aware of a genuine threat", he told reporters at a press conference held in the Arachnid House of Edinburgh Zoo.

giant-spider"Mutant Martian spiders are already among us, as was made abundantly clear by Lord Robertson of Quitementol iin his recent cataclysmic speech to NATO. They are here to keep an eye on the referendum debate and report progress back to their home planet, rather like George Robertson himself.

"Also, wasn't it Defence Secretary John Hammond who told us that an independent Scotland would be defenceless against attacks from space. The implication being that England had plenty of space defences, but they would refuse to help Scotland out in the event of an alien invasion.

"Actually, we know this is very likely to be true as, way back in the 1940s, it was War Office policy to abandon Scotland to its fate if it had been invaded by Germans in World War II.

"But, in any case, if weird, repulsive aliens are not already walking among us, how on Earth do you explain Danny Alexander?"

danny-alexander2A spokesnat for Yes Scotlandshire told the BBC that there were no such things as giant alien spiders from Mars, even if American arch-unionists like David Bowie kept on insisting there were.

He said: "This is typical of the 'No Better Together' campaign. They make up scary stories because they saw on the BBC that people who are scared of spiders normally vote no. Essentially because they are big fearties. Like that David Cameron. Scared of spiders. Scared of Alex Salmond."

However, this assertion has been questioned as the following BBC video has been published on the Vote Nob Orders web site. The film clearly shows a giant mutant spider from Mars coming down from space and attacking cars driving over the Squinty Bridge directly opposite the Atlantic Quay headquarters of this channel.

This new evidence suggests that U-KOK may have been right all along and a separate Scotlandshire may well be forced to boil grass for soup while watching our airports being carpet bombed while our pandas are 'repatriated' to England. Who knew?

As if the video above was not bad enough, the following film, courtesy of Xaxis Media, shows an artist's representation of the swarm of Martian spider ships as they travel towards the Earth in formation in preparation for their invasion. Yes, the giant mutant spiders are coming, coming for our culture, our country, our people... and our children! Be afraid. be very afraid - of voting Yes.


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