By John Poultice, The World's Only Polling Expert

Readers will have seen how, last Tuesday, the First Minister of Scotlandshire was reduced to a quivering wreck by the mere threat that THAT incriminating picture would be exposed to the world.

Since then, pundits such as myself, and ..... myself, have been declaring to the world that Alecsammin lost. Sadly, the polling evidence is lacking to suggest that Alastair Darling won.

In our poll, only 12.4% adjudged Darling to have emerged victorious, while 14% gave the laurel crown to Bernard Ponsonby.

Both men were soundly beaten by the 17.1% who felt that the commercial breaks had edged into the lead. Those for cleaning products were particularly favoured. It seems reasonable to consider that most of this sub-sample was, therefore female - as most of the 8.8% who watched another soap, River City, would have been.

Not a single vote was cast for Alicsammin.

But what, I hear you cry, about the 47.7% who decided that "the filthy separatist" won?

Well, of course they did. Beat Hibs 2-1 over on BBC Alba, which is where the real men were watching the game. As any Loyalist will tell you, “The club and company are separate”, and as for "filthy". You should have seen the state of their shorts by the end of extra time? Those women and their cleaning products were desperately needed!

Related Articles

G Johnston : Rangers and The Rangers – What’s The Difference?

Comments

Due to the huge number of complaints, comments are no longer banned on BBC Scotlandshire News pages.

.