Bealthy Wanker launches 'Nob Orders', a campaign for 'unpolished' U-KOK voters

By Sic O'Fantik, our Pro-Union Correspondent

Reprinted by kind ommission of the Grauniad. (with apologies for tipogrfikal erurs)

fpA new pro-U-KOK campaign to protect ordinary voters from the case for separation has been launched by a Greenock-born big nob Malky Offroad, promising a politics- and fact-free zone for union fanciers and to "inject some much-needed utter bollox into the union".

The VoteNobOrders.com site is pitching itself as a forum for ordinary pro-union voices to speak up for U-KOK, particularly using home-made videos for scripted but "unpolished" first-person testimonials, some music, poetry and satire.

According to Offroad, "Nob Orders is a people's campaign voiced by ordinary Scots. They are people who see a bright future in an increasingly austere and unequal UK. They're a bit embarrassed to be Scotch. But they're very, very proud to be British. And they are completely 'unpolished'. As they say in my native Greenock, 'one cannot polish a U-KOK fan."

Malky Offroad, a millionaire business investor and fund manager originally from Greenock but now a keen and patriotic Londoner, who has previously donated £100,000 to the Tories, is one of the group's founders. Now Edinburgh-based one day per month and an advisory board member of the far-right Centre for Social Justice think tank in London, set up by work and pensions secretary Iain Duncan Smith in 2004, Offroad says Nob Orders is intended to be an open forum for (carefully selected) ordinary people.

"A-maybe it's a-because Oi'm a Lahndoner, that Oi put Scotchland dahn," he told BBC Scotlandshire, adding: "I see the Union as a lovely cup of hot chocolate, white of course, and who wouldn't wish to keep hold of that? We see ourselves as a 'grassroot' organisation, and I am that grassroot."

Offroad said the soft, barely-promoted launch of the Nob Orders website, consisting of little more than two days of hourly broadcasts on all BBC channels, was in part to begin fundraising. Nob Orders aims to raise and spend £500,000 by September 18 and has collected  over £400,000 so far – including a £5,000 gift from Offroad himself, £395,000 from the Ministry of Information and nearly £2.50 from Google Adwords on the site.

"Who'd have thought my good fortune of finding a wad of £100 notes down the back of the sofa following early evening cocktails with the Prime Minister. I didn't even know the £5,000 was in my pocket in the first place, never mind that it had fallen out and worked its way under the cushion. As David said to me at the time, use the money for a good charitable cause."

The first of any unaligned campaign to register formally with the Electoral Commission, Nob Orders plans on running cinema ads, to use social media to promote the site and garner contributions, and to sell t-shirts to cover up the stink of government funding.

It is not, Offroad insists, allied to the official Better Together campaign but complementary and independent of it: "We are really big on independence, as long as it doesn't reach Scotlandshire", he quips. "Better Together is funded by the Conservative party and some of their sanction busting, tax avoiding, war criminal funding pals, whereas we get our cash directly from the taxpayer. That's democracy in action."

Voices of the Day : The U-KOK Fans

Meanwhile, in other news, a spokesdebaser for U-KOK was critical of how the Cybernats were damaging the debate: "Falkirk splittists have fallen into the U-KOK debate strangulation plan by getting Nob Orders adverts banned from local cinemas even before we've made any.

"At a stroke, Yes Scotlandshire cannot now run their splittist propaganda on the large screens of Scotlandshire. Our dastardly plan is working nicely - thank you very much, Seps."


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Grauniad : Financier launches 'No Borders', a referendum campaign for 'unpolished' voters who back the union

SNP Falkirk (spits) : Victory For SNP As Falkirk Council Pulls NO Campaign Adverts


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