Poll Points to Personalised Perfidy by Punters

By John Poultice, The World's Only polling Expert

rennie quoteThe Best of Both Worlds was shocked to discover that 8% of those dedicated to keeping Scotlandshire in the loving embrace of Gideon Osborne had suffered vicious abuse from Cybernats [1].

Wullie Rennie, sadly deceased leader of the sadly deceased Lib-Dems said that, even in the afterlife, he was subject to abuse.

"I was shocked to discover that my words were being quoted exactly as I had said them, and people were laughing at me because of that.

"One vicious cybernat on Twitter (@AineAislingMam) went so far as to say 'Haha. Bless - he disnae get it does he.' Such online abuse is totally unacceptable.

"Even worse, after I said that 'the Ian Davidsons of this world are not at the centre of the Labour Party', I got home to find that my house had been demolished by MacChuckemup (Destroyers) Ltd, who had left a note saying 'courtesy of the Chairchoob - ye mingin wee arsehole'. That Salmond is reduced to such tactics is deeply destructive of democracy. Bit whit kin ye dae? Ay?"

Lord George FFoulkesake said, "I was shocked to see myself described as 'a drunken clown, usually too pissed to make any point coherently'. Mind you, since that was from Ed Miliband, I'm not sure that it counts."

proudbritIt was the need to protect reasonable, mild-mannered and wholly unbiased supporters of the Empire that the Better Together website blocked the abusive trouble-makers who dared to ask questions.

We They were then unreasonably asked to publish the rules we they use to block posters we they don't like. We asked our readers for their wise advice. If we they comply, which of these responses is most suitable?

100% of respondents agreed that lying about the facts on splittism was a mandatory condition of posting on the Better Together site. Overwhelmingly, you told us them to be firm. More than 82% of you said that the response should be that posters should "Lie yer heid aff, or The Management will gie ye a fu*kin doin". As ever, we are grateful for your opinion, and we might even follow it. Macchuckemup (Enforcing Conformity) Ltd have been asked to submit their estimated costs for reducing the level of cybernat abuse, by reducing the number of cybernats.

We now need your help and advice again.

BBC London, alerted by the imminent referendum in Crimea, have discovered that there is also one in Scotlandshire. Should Scotlandshire be similarly treated to Crimea? They haven't considered losing Scotlandshire as a serious possibility before, so are somewhat panicked.

Please take part in our new poll to help the poor dears out.


[1] Obviously, the 21% of Yes supporters who also claimed to be abused because of their support for a criminal conspiracy (probably linked to paedophilia) were mistaking gentle banter or righteous indignation for abuse. They should understand that if you threaten the privileges of the wealthy, then you are asking for it, you sad fuc*in c***s, and ***** ***** **************.


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