Spoof BBC deploys the yawn weapon

By Somnam Bulist, Our Media and Splittism Correspondent

comatoseIn the most daring piece of broadcasting adventurism ever seen, the spoof channel, BBC in Scotlandshire, struck a major blow for the Union by sending its entire audience to sleep through a mind-numbingly infantile hour of unrelenting tedium last night.

We have often been critical of our competitors on the other Quay, but our Head of News and Bias, Johnny Bossyman said that he was "lost in admiration for this innovative approach. Many of us have speculated about the potential use of the 'Sarwar Syndrome' in ensuring that the referendum turnout falls below the 5% level, but this is an early example of a technique that will undoubtedly be adopted by all broadcasters."

Panellists Alex Massie, Sanjeev Kohli, Antsy Sarwar and Fiona Hyslop were forced to comment repeatedly that the choice of questions directed vaguely in their direction were largely irrelevant to the debate on splitting Scotland from the Empire.

Attempts by members of the audience to inject fire and passion into the debate were successfully quelled by a BBC employee who sat in the middle of the panel, but to no discernible purpose.

Health Secretary, Alex Neil, began to protest that this would overwhelm NHS Scotlandshire - especially as many medical staff would also be reduced to a comatose condition. However, he fell asleep before finishing his sentence.

"Action on Insomnia", a charity involved in helping those who cannot sleep, has announced a cure may just have been found for this tiring condition

UPDATE

Following the early release of this article, we were besieged by texts and emails from female MSPs denying that they were the lady in our anonymised image.

Fiona Hyslop commented, "Wisnae me. I was on the programme, trying to answer the pish questions!"

Jackie Baillie tweeted, "Couldn't be me. My hair is a different colour."

Christina McKelvie texted, "Fortunately, I am not a suspect in this case. While I admit to falling asleep when Sanjeev Kohli was explaining, yet again, that he knew nothing about anything, BBC Scotlandshire has already published that I am a firm advocate of Tena Lady products."

Ruth Davidson sent a note by pigeon post. "My inbox is awash with demands that I deny that I am the pixellated lady. These are silly, because I would never dream of sitting on furniture that was not properly Scottish tartan. I am a real Scot after all, but ...... zzzzzzz" 


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BBC in Scotlandshire : As it didn't happen: Scottish independence referendum debate


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