By Brittania Bakov, Our Cooking the Books Correspondent

Head of Dundee's "Marra Questions than Answers" Unit, Professor Chris Whatthef..., expressed astonishment at the content of the Scottish Government's White Paper issued today.

"As Head of the Academic Unit", he said, "I'm delighted that answers have been provided to questions that we thought no sane person could possibly ask.

"As a committed Unionist, I'm amazed that they have answered some of the insane questions that we actually did ask as well.

"As a professional historian, of course, I'm trained to detect bias in any source material, and can unequivocally rule that the entire contents of this tome is biased and unreliable, while the balanced and considered papers from the Westminster Government are totally fair and balanced - without a trace of bias and must be accepted in toto."

Associate Director of the Unit, journalist David Torrance, admitted to a certain degree of confusion as well.

"As a professional journalist, I'm trained to deliver bias out of any source material - though usually the source material is just the Press Association articles that I can attach my name to, and add a bit of spin."

Technical Director, Dr Mega Byte, announced that the University had received additional funding from the UK Government to build an even greater computer to answer the Ultimate Question. "While Deep Thocht has announced that the answer to the constitutional question is 42, we need to test that assumption. Failure to do so could result in the University's funding being reliant on a hugely wealthy Norwegian-style Government, instead of having the safety net of an impoverished UK. We can't risk the former scenario coming to pass."

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