INTERNAL MEMO - NOT FOR PUBLICATION

From : Bossyman, Head of News and Bias

To : All presenters and reporters

Subject : VIEWER COMPLAINT

Complaints from viewers are normally ignored and dismissed. Occasionally, however, an alert reader can draw our attention to something that we have missed. Our viewer has noticed a slipshod tendency to use the "I-word" when referring to the wholy dispassionate analysis by the I-FFS. While staff have been right to stress that I-FFS are wholly without bias in the fight to save the Union, there can be a subliminal boost to the splittists if that word or its synonyms are used at all.

All subliminal messages must reinforce our message only. If you are unsure of the effect of a particular term, you should test it out on your servants. I find the under-scullery maid to be the most appropriate class of person for testing purposes.

Read the following letter, and action its contents with immediate effect.

neutral	impartial	Self-ruling
unbiased	dispassionate	Sovereign
objective	middle-of-the-road	Self-governing
unprejudiced	not taking sides	self-directed
disinterested	on the fence	detached
open-minded	fair
nonaligned	objective
balanced	even-handed

 

The iron clad projections of the I-FFS must not be used as a vehicle to spread your partial support for the splitists of North Britain. While many of us south of the imaginary border may feel the rump separatists deserve to be cast from the safety of Britannia’s shield, like any good parent we will welcome back to fold our errant if foolish feral  children. We expect nay demand your full support in this endeavour. You must desist immediately from using “the word” and indeed ban its use across BBC Scotlandshire.

Yours Sincerely,

Harold Trough-Chaffer S.B.E. , K.B.E , U.K.I.P.P.E.R.

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