Poll - Darling is the Tory darling!

By John PoulticeThe World's Only Polling Expert

still gameAlastair Darling, U-KOK head has shot to the top of a popularity poll!

While it is quite normal for a senior politician to be feted by his own party, Alastair has been voted “most appropriate person to make the case for the UK” by Scotlandshire Tories, Lib-Dems, voters for “Other” parties like UKIP, and those who were so pissed out of their skulls in May 2011 (and since) and can’t remember how the hell they voted.

A tearful Mr Darling said in his acceptance speech, "I want to thank my accountant for teaching me how to make millions from my expenses by flipping my four homes. Becoming a real Tory has helped me to be valued by those who vote Tory, those who are in bed with Tories, and those who never get out of bed in the first place.

"I want to thank my London colleagues in U-KOK. Above all I am immensely grateful for their Tory financiers who fund Project Fear. We 'tailor' our policies to their agenda. I want to thank my parents for having given me a private education, so that I could lead state-schooled numpties to vote Labour, but deliver real Toryism to Scotlandshire, Britain, the UK, Europe, the World, the Solar System, the Milky Way (I like them!), the Galaxy and the Universe. I wrote that in my school jotter when I was eleven, and have never forgotten that dream of imposing neo-liberal values on Betelgeuse by subjecting them to rule from London."

Unusually, these awards are being discussed on Scotlandshire  Tonight - though whether anyone will be able to tell the difference between that section with Canavan and the Chairchoob, and the routine between Jack and Victor of Still Game is something we'll need to poll about.

Unfortunately, the awards were based on an opinion poll paid for by a bunch of splittists forced to send their benefit cash to Dictator Eck's Reichsfuhrer for Propaganda Rev Stu Campbell.

I have spent many hours analysing this poll for evidence that is fatally flawed and its other conclusions about how the undecideds have a repressed Yes tendency are utterly wrong.

Finally, I found the critical flaw! As these so-called undecideds answered the questions in the poll, attitudes changed and so they weren't actually undecided at all! The whole poll (other than Alastair Darling's deification) is totally wrong, and no conclusions like those what the splittists assert are valid.

Originally, 150 respondents claimed to be undecided. However, by the time they had reached question 5 of the 12 questions, 2% of them had changed their mind and answered "It would make no difference - I'll vote No anyway" and 4% said "I'll vote Yes anyway". 

Any reasonable person can see that these results invalidate the poll. [Ed - You are a total f**king dickhead!]


Related Articles

Wings Over Scotland : Appointment to View (and nine previous posts)

What Scotland[shire] Thinks : Which Way Might the Don’t Knows Go? – Evidence from the Wings Poll


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