Govan: "We'll keep the red (white & blue) flag flying here"

By Naefa Kinpoint, our Despair & Disenfranchisement Correspondent

George-Osborne-ukokBetter Together, the campaign for Scottish dependence, are celebrating an historic win in the Govan council by-election.

The election, which had been heading for an SNP victory until last week, was turned around by a combination of Project Fear election materials and activists from several dependence-supporting organisations, who worked together for the first time since their shock separation earlier this year.

The turning point was the distribution of anti-separation materials by Better Together during the last days of the campaign, aligned with a spirited canvass and election day knockup by members of various dependence campaign groups.

Expert napkin folder and head of the U-KOK campaign for Scottish dependence, Chancellor Gideon Osborne MP, enthused,

"It was a wonderful sight. A unique event played out in Glen Govan, in the very heart of the mystical and romantic highlands of Scotlandshire.

"Conservative cash, Better Together footsoldiers and United with Labour stalwarts, all working as one towards a common goal. Blue Tories and red Tories coming together to form the throbbing purple tip of U-KOK British Nationalism. I haven't been quite so excited since my days in Eton College."

Technically, it is a serious breach of electoral law for any group not fielding a candidate to take part in electioneering during the purdah period of a campaign, a point which I put to better together chairman, Blare McDougall.

Blair-Mcdougal-ukokIn response, Mr McDougall told this reporter, "You can just shut the f**k up about that or you'll find yourself with a generous redundancy package before you can say Bateman. Like Tricky Dicky Nixon nearly said, 'If U-KOK does it, that makes it legal'.

"Now you cannay print this, but it's so good ah have tae tell somebody. We put out a national leaflet, just in Govan mind you, which said the last few shipbuilding jobs would disappear faster than a broon envelope on a SLab cooncilor's desk if the SNP won the by election. Even though every bugger knows the opposite is true. Brilliant stuff.

"But haud oan! That's no the best bit, but. We did it so late in the gemm that they Natz had nae time tae respond and point oot how tens ay thoosands ay shipbuilding joabs had already gone while we were in charge – yur actual Labour party, mind – an that that's why there are sae few left. Stoatin, eh?

"And we paid fur the whole campaign using cash we got from a sanction-busting Tory backer. You couldnae make this shit up! You call it a by-election, but here at Project Fear we call it a buy-election."

Ian Davidson, Labour MP for Govan and chairchoob of the Scottish Affairs committee on Advocating British Jurisdiction of Every Celtic Territory and Demeaning the Electorate by Simply Parroting Anti-Independence Rants told BBC Scotlandshire,

"Ah wiz right proud ay the guid people ay Govan fur stiyin hame durin the vote – a pokey wee 1 in 5 turnoot - ya beezer!

"Fur hauf a century the Labour pairty's squeezed aw the life an hope oot ay they folk, an noo wur startin tae see the benefits. Nae c*nt in Govan thinks thur's ony point in votin ony mair. An that's just the wiy we like it!

"These are ma ane folk, the people ay Govan. Ah own them, lock stock and f**kin barrel! An they carpet-baggin Natz bastirts can jist bugger oaf back tae Braveheartland where they came fae.

"Now, if we can jist generate that level ay total despair in the rest ay Glesga, wull soon be back oan toap ay Scoatish politics again, where we belong."

Lord Jack McConnell of Glen Kensington, a former wee nyaff, told us, "This election campaign was a vision of the future of Scotlandshire after the No vote. Keep them downtrodden, hopeless and voting Labour.

"As it says in the words of our conference anthem, the Red Flag (New Labour revised version):"

ed-balls-one-nationThe people's flag has no place here
since we signed up to Project Fear.
It may recall our triumphs past
but now we serve a different class

So raise the great red, white and blue
head for the trough and join the queue.
We'll never fight for weak nor poor
our left wing roots are too obscure.

We need you Scots to cringe in fear
so we can further our careers.
Our cabinet of millionaires
maintains itself through your despair.

So raise the great red, white and blue
head for the trough and join the queue.
We'll squeeze the poor for every pound
our left wing roots are underground.

The hopeless are our power base
we strive to keep them in their place.
The working class can kiss my arse,
I'm in the House of Lords at last.

So raise the great red, white and blue
head for the trough and join the queue.
We're Tories now in all but name
our left wing roots an ancient shame.


Related Articles

The Herald : SNP: Better Together helped Labour beat us in Govan by-election


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