Forsyth feartie flight lands him in court

By Nick Atory, Our Crime Correspondent

feart forsythDramatic new speed camera evidence has been exclusively seen by BBC Scotlandshire. Deployed by skilled counsel, it should allow the noble and distinguished defender of the Union, Lord Michael Forsyth of Dunspeedin to mount a successful appeal against his unfair conviction.

The A9 has been previously registered as the UK's "2nd most spookiest road" by supernatural event investigators "Northern Ghost Investigations". In the early years of this century (significantly after the creation of the pretendy wee Parliament) this was recorded -

"A husband and wife, together with their 12 year old son, all saw a golden coach pulled by white horses, accompanied by well dressed coachmen in white wigs. Even though the road was quite busy, the coach travelled towards oncoming traffic, albeit on the side of the road, but no other drivers appeared to notice it."

Under these circumstances, it is hardly surprising that Lord Forsyth should be so spooked by approaching ghosts and goolies (Ed - Spelling? No that's what I meant), that he temporarily exceeded the speed limit.

Professor of Supernatural Activity at Westminster Technical College, Seance Furcash, said, "It is well known that Perthshire is full of separatist miasmatic projections. Just look at Pete Wishart or Roseanna Cunningham! Any reasonable person would flee in terror if they appeared. You only need to look at the medieval Scotch poet Gavin Douglas for confirmation - 'Of Brownyis and of Bogillis full is this Buke.' - the Scotch still elect the feared Brownyis in Kirkcaldy."

Chief political analyst for U-KOK, Onythin Firafewquid, observed that the resistance of Coalition politicians to having average speed cameras on the A9 was based on the wholly rational fear that they might be subject to phantasmical phenomena as they travelled along the spine of Scotlandshire (a spine that they fervently hope will not exist in September 2014). "Murdo Fraser and Danny Alexander can never ignore the possibility that Saltires may suddenly appear at the roadside, and escape from them would become an absolute imperative. Punishing them for escaping danger would be a denial of natural justice."

Chief strategist for the Labour "F**k the Tories - even though we agree on everything" campaign, Ian Davidson, MP and Chairchoob of the Scottish Select Committee of Grandees Hallucinating On Suspicious Tobacco Substitutes said, "It's a daft stoty. Thurs naethin north o'Govan, an' thur arenae ony monsters or ghosties in Scotlandshire. The last wan left the place when Mags cam doon here tae recline wi me."


Related Articles

Scotsman : Driving ban for ex-Scottish Secretary Lord Forsyth

Northern Ghost Investigations : Top 10 Spookiest Roads


Comments

Due to the huge number of complaints, comments are no longer banned on BBC Scotlandshire News pages.

Comments or no comments, it's still OUR job to tell YOU what to think - NOT the other way around.

 
Our Other Biased Articles

complaint

What is all this Rubbish?

Click HERE to find out.