By Gotta Loofah, Our Bath Correspondent

BBC Scotlandshire can exclusively reveal that an eccentric reverend based  somewhere in the South West of England is at present attempting to raise funds to conduct a private poll regarding the Scotch electorate’s voting intentions in the upcoming separation referendum that threatens to tear Scotlandshire from the glorious British state.

This loony separatist's quest is totally irrelevant to the debate. All the polling needed has been done by the Better Together campaign and Strathclyde University.

John Poultice of Strathclyde University, the only polling expert in Scotlandshire, asked “Just who does this jumped-up cyberblogger think he is?

"While I am very confident that his piteous pleading for funds will fail miserably, it must also be pointed out that the commissioning of polls is the exclusive right of Tory millionaires, the much Better Together campaign, political parties that support the irreversible union and of course Strathclyde University”.

We at BBC Scotlandshire must question why it is legal for ordinary plebs, most especially Scotch ones, to formulate and ask questions the answers to which will just confuse and frighten people. Leave it to the people who know best, us.

Perhaps it’s time that the Rev Stu got out of the Bath (it is alleged that he lives in one) and took himself off to the Electoral Commission where we are confident he would get a well deserved dressing down for his presumption.

We suggest you take a look at his ludicrous fund raising attempt and under no circumstances contribute, as this sort of thing may lead to unwanted accurate information leaking out.

Ian Davidson MP, Chairchoob of the Scootish Select Committee for Saving England's Comfort Using Ridiculous Insulting Tall Yarns, said "Ah didnae gat wher Ah um wi the punters knowing real stuff. Keep the wee bastirts ignorant wis ayewis mah approach."

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