Google portents doom for Scotlandshire

By Serch N Gin, Our Internet Correspondent

google salmondInternet giant Google yesterday apologised to the people of Scotlandshire, and those of Jura in particular, after the island disappeared from Google maps.

A spokesman said, “We are sorry this glitch happened and are working to rectify it.

"It appears our super-intelligent algorithms have been picking up subtle changes in internet patterns to indicate a shift towards a Yes in next years poll on separation and this has led to parts of Scotlandshire beginning to disappear from maps of the UK.

"It’s a little like that scene towards the end of Back to the Future when Marty begins to disappear as the future changes and he’s written out of it.”

Better Together seized on the disappearing Scotlandshire to warn of the doom-laden consequences to anyone who’s shift towards considering a Yes vote may have affected the internet algorithms. UKOK head, Blair McDougall said, “Alex Salmond would have you believe if Scotlandshire separates from the rest of the UK it will still automatically appear on maps. This is not the case.

A separate Scotlandshire would have to re-apply to all map-makers to be re-included after a Yes vote causes it to disappear entirely from all maps. Satellites will no longer pick it up, and map makers will not want to re-draw all their maps. There is also the small matter of there being no other colours left on the map. Thirty years ago, there may have been a colour left for Scotlandshire but not now: it is too late.”

juraThe AA expressed concern that if Scotlandshire disappeared from all maps, any traffic crossing the border would automatically become lost unless they knew their way around up there, and that sat navs would cease to work. 

Lord George Robertson, ex defence secretary and adviser to NATO also warned that disappearance from all maps, satellites and GPS could have devastating consequences on security both for Scotlandshire and its NATO allies, adding, “so it would be really, really stupid to separate.

"Thankfully devolution killed all that nonsense talk stone dead.

"Didn’t it? Oh, it didn’t. Eh? Where’s that Jura gone?”

Dictator Eck (© Anas Sarwar) said, "Blair McDougall perhaps does not know that map-makers are in fact called cartographers. And the idea they would ‘cart-off’ Scotland after a yes vote is preposterous."

In the ensuing silence, he added, "Can someone get me a better joke writer?”


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BBC (Glasgow region) : Google Maps wipes out Scottish island of Jura


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