By Withered Vine, Our London Fashion, Womens' Affairs (lots of them!) and now Boris Correspondent

Firstly, a thankyou to the BBC Scotlandshire Management for extending my remit still further.

Secondly, a total denial that I had a child by Boris Johnson, thought about having a child with Boris Johnson, would consider being injected (in any sense) by Boris Johnson as being other than the ultimate degradation and humiliation (though in other circumstances, those kind of games can be rather fun!)

We in London were rather amused by media reports that London (which is the only part of the UK that matters) was being portrayed as "bleeding Scotland dry".

Imagine our relief when it transpired that this was simply Scotch hype for a boring academic analysis by an economist (what do they know?) published by a left-wing Foundation.

Not to be too patronising, but neither the author, Margaret Cuthbert (nor her husband Jim - who probably wrote the paper since women don't understand these difficult things) went to Oxbridge!

However, since this article is for our Scotch readers, lets pretend that the idea has some basis in reality, before we dismiss it as nonsense.

Annoyingly, the research paper opens with a quote from U-KOK head Alastair Darling - then describes it as an "assertion"! It has always been clear that assertions are what the separatists make, as opposed to thoroughly researched arguments from U-KOK and the UK Government. Although the author gives an interesting description of assertion -

"Assertions are always interesting. They show how the person making the assertion wants the reader to focus on particular aspects where they believe the argument can be won. They also show, by exclusion, the parts which the asserter wants to avoid: which, it is hoped the reader will not think about."

I'd never thought about that. I just assumed, like all reasonable people, that "assertion" was just a bad thing that the separatists did.

The paper claims "that successive UK government policies have been more suited to the London area at the expense of most other countries and regions in the UK." Well, yeah! London is big. It needs more. Lots of people live here. Really important people (like Chairchoob Ian Davidson) live here. We're the Capital, for God's sake! Obviously anything going should come here. Really important people come here, and if they are well-endowed, so do I.

It goes on "that the UK has had no effective industrial or regional policy for more than thirty years." Duh! London doesn't have much industry anymore. The banks and other finance companies are all that matter. As for "regional policies" - We've given the Scotch and Welsh and Irish control over lots of things we don't care about.

Other things like pushing the poor out of London can't happen unless we make the same rules, like the Bedroom Tax, elsewhere as well. We are one nation, after all, and what's good for us must be good for you.

Another point made is that "the fast growing south, particularly London and the City, acting as a magnet for capital and labour from the other parts of the UK, and helping to stoke the growth further: at the same time, the peripheral areas, which are losing their labour and capital to the south, are thus held back even more."

So what's the problem? No one wants to live in Scotlandshire, so taking their resources to continue the good life in London is a no-brainer. I had thought the illustration for this article was a simple demonstration that London injects life blood into the moribund Scotlandshire economy - especially to support their sole Tory.

Having read Cuthbert's paper, I now realise that the opposite is true. London draws its lifeblood from Scotlandshire and other remote places, and I need that to support my lifestyle.

Which only leads to one conclusion. Give me more, Boris baby! Push that plunger in deeper and give me all of what you can give! I need all that Scotch spirit you can get! Yes! Oh, Yes! London rules and I get it all! More, more! Mmmm, that's better. You really know how to give a London woman everything she needs. Let's do that again, and again and ....

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Related Articles

Sunday Herald : London calling (the shots) 

Jimmy Reid Foundation : The Dysfunctional UK Economy

BBC in Scotlandshire : Scottish independence: Think tanks warns against monetary union

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