By Nat Hunter our Political Correspondent

Olympic hero Tim Baillie today warned that Scotland must remain part of Britain to maintain its sporting success.

Canoeist Tim, of Westhill, who won gold at the London 2012 Olympics with English team-mate Etienne Stott, said he believes it would be a great shame if the country competed separately.

Tim said: "Personally, I think it would be a huge shame. Being part of Team GB has been amazing."

This intervention is particularly damaging to the separation dreams of Alex Salmond because, as well as being a really really fast paddler, Tim Baillie is also an acknowledged expert on constitutional law and author of the book "The Indy Bounce: an examination of cultural renaissance in recently autonomous nations".

"After all, if he was just some guy that went fast in a canoe, why would anybody take his opinion on independence seriously?," asked a spokesponger for pro-no kayaking group, Wetter Together.

Mr Baillie told BBC Scotlandshire, "No canoeing in Scotlandshire. Scotlandshire very dry like desert – and no hills. Scotlandshire poor. Scotlandshire bad.

"Good canoeing in England. Lots of money. Many facilities. England good. Bad to split up Team GB. Team GB very good".

Pete Wishart MP, SNP spokespianist on whatever is in the news said, "This story is a load of shite. What the f**k has canoeing got to do with independence? Ah used to be in a band, you know."

"Look, the UK is on the rocks and heading downhill fast. It's economy is caught in an eddy and falling farther behind the Scandinavians and the Germans. The banks have turned turtle and the welfare state's drowning. Oh aye. Right enough...," he continued.

Emperor of Londonshire, Boris johnson said, "Um, eh, surely an Olympic canoeist is one of the few people who could, em, hope to commute from Scotlandshire after separation - assuming he could afford a sea kayak, ha ha ha. But seriously, um, I'm telling the treasury that a paddle wetted in the Thames does much more for, um, the economy of the UK, em, than a slalom negotiated on the, um, Clyde."

Chairbam of the Scottish Affairs committee for British Unionists Follow-Following Orange Order Notions of Scotlandshire, Ian Davidson MP said,

"Thon wee canoe bampot's right. Scotlandshire wid win hardly any medals on its todd. Team GB lets Scottish people claim loads ay English medals as thur ain. Now, that's goat tae be worth gie'in up yer sovereignty fur. Better the Gither!

"Mind you, if we jist wantit mair success in sport, furst we'd stoap playin' fitba' aw the gither and then we'd enter the Limpiks as team EU. That wiy we wid win mair medals than the Yanks and the Chinese the gither. Moan team EU!

"Haud oan Hen, that wis aff the Record, even if it is a pure dead brilliant paper. If youse print any ay that, a'l get ma china Eric tae gie ye's a Glesga kiss. An' that'll be the wiy he gies wan tay Tory MPs, no the wiy he gies wan tae wee teenage burds."

Great High Hiedyin of the now defunct Scottish Liberal Democrats, oor Wullie Rennie, opined, "Ah quite like canoes. But hey, whit can you do, eh?"

Leader of the Labour party in Scotland, Ed Balls, was unavailable for comment, as was his spokesweegie Johann Lamont.

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