By C I Hay, Our Broadway Correspondent

Veteran writer of surreal fantasy, Alastair Captain Darling's new black comedy opened tonight off off Broadway. In fact it was so off Broadway that it opened in the Union Theatre, London, England.

Themed around a series of classical Greek plays with minimal relevance to the modern world, it describes the rise and fall of a deeply flawed character who murders his political father and goes on to screw his parliamentary mother.

"Eckipus Wrecks : Labricide and Motherfucker" is a difficult play for anyone who is not deeply involved with the political nuances of the constitutional debate in Scotlandshire to understand. Indeed, very little of Darling's work is comprehensible to anyone, which is what makes it so attractive to Britophiles accepting the 'Confusion is Clarity' mantra of the "Better Together in Bed Having Sex With Your Mum - If Your Dad is Shagging Elsewhere, The Bastard" campaign (more normally referred to by the first two words).

Theatre critic Maakin Itawup explained the subtle interaction between Darling's belief systems and the plot complexity of the play - "He's a bawheid", she said.

In the opening scene, the anti-hero Eckipus, suspicious that his supposed father Uklabus is, in fact an impotent who is incapable of producing a fart, much less a son, approaches the oracle at Delph in Oldham to find out the truth. As usual, the oracle has been on the Buckfast, and gives an incomprehensible response, but suggests that Scotlabus might have been his real Dad, as he had screwed most people for many years, while the Mother of All Parliaments had given birth to him in secret, out of shame for having dallied with any of the Labs.

Convinced that these are simply scare stories produced by the Theban Times, Eckipus sets out to find his real parents and claim his kingdom, but is confronted by Lysistrata (ingenue Annabel Goldie) who urges him never to have sex at any time, whether straight or gay, until Thebes is free from Corinthian columns. She then shuffles off embarrassed, as that speech was from the previous week's production - "The Life and Times of Cardinal O'Brien".

While, he struggles to build a new bridge across a stream, Eckipus is confronted by a grey man who wants the money wasted on a totally different project. In an epic fight scene, Eckipus skewers his opponent and goes on his way pretending that he does not know who the man was - which is pretty silly, as they had been debating in the agoras of Attica for weeks.

Cassandra (played by newcomer Marcus Gardham) appears and declaims,"Doom, doom, and thrice times doom. Ye're aw doomed! Eckipus will reign, and rain ruin and destruction on the people. The wrecks of rex will literally litter the land.  Doom!"

Before he can confront his mother, Eckipus has to answer the riddle of Cerberus the 3 headed dog (Johann Lamont, Ruth Davidson and Willie Rennie) that guards the entrance to Hades. Those who cannot answer its riddle are killed and eaten by this ravenous monster.

Each head asks the same question 3 times, despite its having been answered already. The distraught Cerberus throws itself off Salisbury Crags. Eckipus's reward for freeing the kingdom from its curse is the kingship and an assignation in Edinburgh with Westminstra (David Cameron), his real mother.

After he screws Westminstra right royally at the assignation, their daughters, Agreementa and Referenda, are born and the fate of the kingdom is sealed. Queen Westminstra, bitterly regretting her moment of madness, performs a 2 hour version of the 'Regina Monologues', or 'Pre-Menstrual Questions'.

The play ended with the Greek chorus of media presenters and journalists continually bewailing the evils of separation - but by that time, the audience had left.

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