Police seek separatist menace

By Catty Wrentoon, Our Crime & Nutters Reporter

bae-system-govan-shipyardStrathclyde Police have today deployed additional resources onto the streets of Govan in an effort to track down a dangerous separatist menace who targets hardworking Better Together politicians and supporters. Earlier this week the menace escalated his campaign of terror when he started to target the unsuspecting staff of BAE Govan with his separatist propaganda.

The Govan separatist bampot, who prefers the extremist name SITV Tam, has past form in ambushing honest Better Together politicians like Margaret Curran MP, Jackie Baillie MSP and Johann Lamont MSP.

His latest outrage is a serious escalation of his extreme separatist agenda.

A police sketch artist was able to compile a composite image of the dangerous separatist using descriptions supplied by previous targets and working with the latest victim Ian Davidson MP. The general Unionist public should avoid this man at all costs.

Chief Inspector Stephen Mathieson of Strathclyde Police warned the public of the dangers of approaching him: “Why we’re wasting resources finding this man, especially when he’s done nothing wrong, is beyond me! Complaints had been raised by delicate, vulnerable politicians so we are forced to ask him to play nice with the Better Together campaign, but first we need to track him down.”

In a message posted on the subversive Cybernat website Facebook the Govan bampot provided the following chilling warning:

sitv sam

MESSAGE BEGINS

On Saturday afternoon while in Govan, I came across Govan MP, Baldy Slaphead, Chief Chairchoob, handing out leaflets with a headline "Save BOE Shipyard," well, to cut a long story short, I said to him, “Will an Independent Scotland not need Boats then?” : )

His Dumbass face said it all, no comment was given! Anyway, I share Govan with the workers from the said yard, well today, I stopped one of the workers to ask him a question, and that was, "awright pal, do you work for the yards?”

He said, "Aye wee man, wit is it?" I said, "See when Scotland gets independence, wull the yerds huv tae change thur name tae SOE?” He, with a daunted face, said, "Naw!" Then I replied, “Huv ye ony idea whit the B stawns fur?". He smiled.

Now this wee story, I'm hoping, will fire around the yard like a burning bog roll doon the trough ;) Govan banter. Priceless.

MESSAGE ENDS

bae-systems-employeesA spokesperson for BAE Govan told BBC Scotlandshire that workers had taken to going about in twos for protection purposes. He said: “We’re having a right laugh at the wee man hanging about the car park having a bit of banter with the workers. The management is worried someone is going to hurt themselves laughing over this one - which is why we've instructed staff to escort each other about until the hilarity dies down.”

The Govan MP who was targeted was only too delighted to talk to BBC Scotlandshire. Ian Davidson, Chairchoob of the Select Committee of Scots MPs Buggering Off Away To the South said: “Thon Guvan terrorist coat me aff guard the ither day. I couldnae evun understaun whit he was mutterin. Wis he even usin propur English?”

wee eck

Once the coded warning was explained to Mr Davidson he further responded: “Boats? Big Angus Robertson showed me a photey o' the boats Scotlandshire wid be able tae afford an' they wur bloody weans blow-up dinghies. A' can get thum doon ma local Lidl’s. Thurs nay chance thon boats wull be built oan The Clydeside at Guvan.”SNP Defence Spokesman at Westminster, Angus Robertson MP, denied kiddies dinghies were on the shopping list of a Scotlandshire Defence Force. Holding back the laughter, he responded: “An independent Scotland will have a balanced and well equipped defence force without the need for weapons of mass destruction. I can announce that we are going to ban dinghies of mass destruction too.”

Johann Davidson-Lamont MSP, pretendy leader of Labour in Scotlandshire, was unavailable for comment due to being encamped in her George Street secret bunker until SITV Tam has been apprehended and sent doon for having the affront to challenge Glesgatoon Labour politicians.

 


Related Articles

Security requirements mean that we cannot direct you to the site that is the source of this threat.



Comments

Due to the huge number of complaints, comments are no longer banned on BBC Scotlandshire News pages.

Comments or no comments, it's still OUR job to tell YOU what to think - NOT the other way around.




 

 



 
Our Other Biased Articles

complaint

What is all this Rubbish?

Click HERE to find out.