BBC Scotlandshire Investigations: Dictator Salmond Developing WMD

 By Glen Campbellend, Our World Wide Bias Co-ordinator and War Starting Correspondent

saddam hussein_captured_in_iraqi_hideoutThe South-East of England has been battered by unprecedented weather events over the last twelve months – periods of drought followed by flood, unexpected heat waves and big freezes, blizzards and generally extreme weather that has the good people of England terrified for their lives.

New evidence shown to BBC Scotlandshire by Met Office scientists, working under the direction of the MoD, proves this awful weather is actually the result of WMD that are strategically located throughout Scotlandshire.

The Ministry of Defence has brought together a multi-disciplinary team of engineers, scientists and world leading academics to investigate the devastating weather events recently experienced by England.

What they have discovered is a weapons program unseen since Saddam’s WMD program that took our glorious neo-liberal empire to war in Iraq – even the separatist colony of the USA came along to help out.

In an expert report leaked to BBC Scotlandshire, the team has concluded that wind turbines are Weather Manipulation Devices which can within 45 mins be turned from electricity generators into big air blowing weapons that can push the UK’s weather pattern in whatever direction dictator Salmond so wishes. It has been speculated that for the last 12 months Salmond has ordered the turbines to be directed to push the Jet Stream further south than normal thereby causing the devastating weather that has ruined the glorious countryside and urban areas of England.

whitelee windfarmLabour in Scotlandshire has been secretly working with the UK establishment to investigate the full scale of this weapons program. Jenny Marra MSP, smiling for once, told BBC Scotlandshire: “It is known as a complete and utter fact, no one could ever argue otherwise, that deranged dictator of Scotlandshire Wee Eck is personally responsible for the design and deployment of these Weather Manipulation Devices that masquerade as wind turbines."

She accused the government of having no concern for the people of Scotlandshire: “Who in their right mind would situate a WMD facility, such as we have at Whitelee Windfarm in the Eaglesham Moors, so close to Scotlandshire's largest population centre? It is downright irresponsible and crazy, the act of a madman tinpot dictator!”

She further revealed how Scotlandshire Labour had brought in foreign inspectors through a cover operation known as Nordic Horizons: “Everyone thought Soren Hermansen from Samso was here to discuss green power generation but he was really here to inspect the WMD up close. He did indeed confirm they were wind turbines, as did the other experts we brought in for the covert mission.”

Defence spokeperson for Labour in Scotlandshire and ace-bomber pilot Jim “Spud” Murphy, who just so happens to be the MP for the constituency that houses the Whitelee Farm WMD program said: “Scotlandshire needs a conventional defence force not the separatist’s vision that sees soldiers, such as those that might never turn up at Leuchars, being replaced by terror turbines."

When challenged about these defence capability revelations, Keith Brown MSP flexed his muscles while commenting: “This is plainly absurd scaremongering from the Better Together campaign and the UK government. I’ve spoken with the First Minister and reassured him my Falkland’s military experience and frequent training sessions down the local LaserQuest will keep me in tip-top tactical readiness to defend Scotland.”

He went on to reassure the Scotlandshire public that weapons of mass destruction would be outlawed in a separatist Scotlandshire: “Trident will be gone from the Clyde as quickly as possible to be replaced by the normal activities of a major conventional Scottish Defence Force base.”

Donald Trump

A concerned investor in Scotlandshire, American entrepreneur Donald Trump, has been a vociferous opponent to the weaponisation of wind turbines. The Donald has already appeared in front of a Scotlandshire Parliament Committee as the evidence of the dangers of these devices.

He told Murdar Fraser’s committee: “The most beautiful golf course in the world is being targeted by First Monster Salmond. It is unbelievable that I cannot go out on my own wonderful course for fear of my golden locks being blown out by the roots.”

“It is all the more unbelievable that Salmond now wants to situate a WMD site right on the doorstep of my fabulous world class golf course. History has taught us these types of situations get rapidly out of hand! This has all the hallmarks of an Armageddon moment that will make the Cuban missile crisis look like a late night Eric Joyce parliamentary drinking session.”

Trump Hotel

Mr Trump has already diverted millions into community activist organisation CATS (Cantankerous Arseholes Trumping Separation) which has invested heavily in anti-turbine research. Commenting Mr Trump told us of the group’s work: “They have already got L’Oreal scientists formulating a can do solution to this dastardly weapon.”

Recently Trump International announced the construction of a world class hotel complex would be put on hold until the threat from the new WMD site was removed. A spokesman for Mr Trump’s company stated: “There’s no way we can invest in all those bales of hay for them to be put at risk of being blown down by the wolves running the Scotlandshire Government.”

He concluded: “The Donald has insisted the hotel won’t be built as long as Mr Salmond is huffing and puffing in the direction of the Menie Estate."

Ian Davidson MP, Chairchoob of the Westminster Separation committee Spouting Pishy Opinions Outrageously, Knowing Shit! was defiant that life would continue as normal during the war on separatist terror.

Ian Davidson in snow

He commented: “It will take mair nor an inch o snaw tae cool doon ma aunger aboot this latest ootrage fae Far Far Northern-Engerlund.”

The Govan MP has already raised this issue with the United Nations. He told BBC Scotlandshire: “A've awready goat thon Ban Ki-moon telt tae get Haunds Blitz, the big malky inspector, intae Scotlandshire afore Salmond hus sterted World War III.”

Mr Davidson then went into fits of uncontrolled laughter, he howled: “Ban Ki-moon – what a f**kin daft name! Sum clowns shoudnae be aloud tae shag if thur gonnae gie thur weans daft names like “Wanky”. A f**kin doin is whit they need!”

It was a particularly windy day at George Square, which was either a Scotlandshire Government created climatic disaster or one of their sinister targeted attacks designed to prevent us opening the door to Johann Lamont’s secret bunker. Unfortunately it was also impossible to hear the mumbling coming out of the intercom due to the wind noise or maybe it was just a case of hot air, or static. or something.


Related Articles

BBC in Scotlandshire : Report concludes no WMD in Iraq

BBC in Scotlandshire : Blame the jet stream for return of heavy rain

Whitelee Windfarm website : Welcome to Whitelee Windfarm Visitor Centre's Website

Nordic Horizons : The Great Green Danes

Fife Today : MSP’s new blast over Leuchars uncertainty

Huffington Post : Donald Trump Demands Scotland Nix Wind Turbines

 


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