By Nick Atory, our Crime Correspondent

Five men and a woman have been arrested after a raid on the Barras market in Glasgow seized counterfeit goods worth £4.11, police have said.

Officers said the operation found documents and videos, including fake versions of brands such as European Commission, United Nations, European Court of Human Rights, European Parliament and Glesga Cooncil.

"Strathclyde Police actively target those involved in serious and organised crime and by working together with our partner agencies, we can successfully disrupt those involved in illegal activities.

"Peddling counterfeit political crap is not only a crime, but often controlled by organised crime networks, such as the UK Government, as a means of funding their illicit activities."

Inspector Naebungs Heer, commented, "This so called 'Better Together' gang are like most criminals – not very clever. The products they were peddling to gullible journalists were pretty shoddy, and full of holes. They are also prone to blowing up in your face when used and they may cause untold harm to children and future generations.

"Police constantly warn the media that if they are offered dodgy products, then they need to be suspicious and check the provenance of the goods. It should be second nature."

Sergeant Nuttem N. Bookem of Strathclyde constabulary's Abominable Repeat Scaremongers Eradication Squad told BBC Scotlandshire:

"I can tell you that, this afternoon, six individuals aged between 12 and 107 have been reported to the Procurator Fiscal under section 20 of the Misrepresentation of the People Act.

"Two will also be charged with 'Peddling tripe without a Nasty Offal Byproduct Safety certificate. Products like these need to be kept away from the public.

"We are also investigating whether one of the men is actually a woman, known to police as wee Jimmy Krankie, who is just pretending to be a man. This would also be an offence under the Sex Disorientation Act."

Scotlandshire's Justice Minister Kenny MacAskill MSP said: "You need a strong 'gag' reflex to read some of their stuff, as the gags are terrible! Particularly those ones about taking the Barnett cash away from an independent Scotland and independence being the end of devolution.

"The countefeit products can be spotted easily by the tag 'A Stronger Scotland' and it's associated 'ASS' logo," said Glasgow's chief Trading Standards officer, Seizure C. Dees.

"Even the thickest journalist should be aware that just because a European ASS label has been stuck on a document, that doesn't mean that it is genuine," Dees continued.

Defence solicitor, Paydenad Vance, stated, "My clients are wholly innocent of any crime. They are just really stupid. Mind you, even at that they are a lot brighter than their clients. See that Gardham!"

Ian Davidson MP, Chairchoob of Commons Organising Insulting, Not Intelligent, Numpties Giving Information To Intoxicated Newsmen, claimed:

"This is just a anuthir stitch-up by the f**king polis. Look whit thae bastirts did tae ma chinas Andy Mitchell, an Chris Hoon (or Hewn, or Hunt, or whitever).

"Wance this indy rubbish is ower wi, wu'll bring the Scoats polis back intae line, an' they'll dae whit their telt – as Glesga Polis ur meant tae dae when wan ay oors gits coat daein' a wee line or whitever."

Joruth Lavison, Conlab leaderene in the pretendy wee Parliament was unavailable for comment. A spokeswifie for the Parly toilets leaked, then later explained that listening to Lavison talking to herself in the lavvy would give anyone the giggles, not to mention the dry boak.

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BBC: Six arrested after raid at Barras market in Glasgow

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