By Naemair Waist, our Environment Correspondent

Ten solar-powered bins are to be installed on the University of Dundee's campus.

A Zero Waste Scotland grant of £41,000 has allowed the university to purchase the new "Big Belly" bins.

The high-tech bins use solar power to compact materials, allowing them to hold up to eight times more rubbish than a standard model.

Their increased capacity reduces collection trips, fuel costs and greenhouse gas emissions by 80%.

The bins will also generate free wi-fi hotspots.

Professor of Recycling Keich at the university, Frei Alba, said, "Litter is a problem which affects communities up and down the country, but the level of recycled keich from the No campaign has already reached dangerous levels.

"The Big Belly bins feature a Wireless Management System which provides online access to real time bin fill levels, reducing the number of collections required by 86% and making this service more efficient.

"Ideally, we would want to place these bins at the end of the Better Together printing press in London, to conserve the energy required to transport the materials north, then dump them. We calculate that the energy savings would reduce global warming by 1 degree during the referendum campaign."

Tory spokesman, Alastair Darling, warned, "This will have a disastrous effect on Scottish employment. As we are somewhat lacking in volunteers, it was our firm intention to make the unemployed deliver our leaflets as part of our Workfare programme – thus slashing the reported levels of unemployment."

Redundant Lib-Dem leader, Wee Willie Rennie, complained, "Nae sure aboot this independence thing – dinnae understand either side. But, gien oot free tickets wis a direct attack on Scottish ticketers! Whit dae ye mean 'I'm supposed to be on their side'? That richt?"

Ian Davidson MP, Chairman of Scots Handsomely Employed Developing London's Overwhelming Arrogant Domination, pontificated,

"Makes nae difference tae me. It's 'joabs for the boays' doon here – an nae 'jobs for the bhoys'!

"Charles Green tells me that naebody in Ibrox is fur independence. An ye can take oot that 'pontificatit' crack! That's some kind ay papish Latin wurd."

Joruth Davimont MSP, Conlab supremo, spoke stereophonically through both mouths but, due to lack of synchronisation, was unintelligible.

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